my short goodbye to 2015

Apart from the very big title I feel like I don't have that much to say about 2015. I was nothing close to what I had imagined myself to be this year and for that I am so sorry. I was supposed to write more, love sufficiently, be a great friend. Somehow I fell down from the pedestal and became a person who did none of the above. I'm sorry. I tried. I tried to make myself the best I could be. But once it started to pile up lying to myself and acting not the way I felt like I should, it became too much. I took a huge break from blogging. I had stuff to focus on. I've gone through a breakup that still leaves me hanging, to be quite honest. I have so much on my plate right now, but at times I forget about that and smile at life anyway. Well again, that's life, it happens, right? I want to give you one advice though. Don't ever imagine what you don't want to become, because life might give you just that. Maybe with slightly different appearance, finishing touches. But you might end up being so close to what you've disliked. Just don't give yourself that. Spare it, honestly. Now on the positive side...

Christmas illuminations of Warsaw

 

Merry Christmas everyone!!!
Every time I try to sit down and write something I can feel the way I am shutting down. Shrinking. Words just don't want to flow even though my life has been a change after change the last month. I decided to keep you out of it, because I was never sure what another day may bring. You might've followed my Instagram or Twitter but there I did not share much too. Now I am a free human being, making plans that might keep me going for the next months. I was always about plans and feelings. I have always made many stupid mistakes. Or putting it differently, I always made stupid decisions. They are not all mistakes I believe. I made myself a promise once - I want and I'll try to live my life to the fullest and trust my gut. It made me hurt sometimes to do so, was not easy to follow the rules I created for myself. But on the other hand, it brought me experience and memories to never ever let go of. It seems like a fair equation to me.

Let there be light by Sara Martins

Hello, My name is Sara and I am a photographer from Porto, Portugal.

Some years ago I started a blog called randomplacesfamiliarplaces to share my photos and connect to others with same love for analog photography as me. I am inspired above all by light, the beginning of it all. How it changes during the day, how it brings to live the smallest of things.

Because I lead a simple life in a wonderful yet quiet city, my focus goes to immediate surroundings and what makes my heart beat with tenderness and love:

what, when, how

When I was in the junior high school, my best friend (at a time) and I used to have this quote taken from one of the teen drama books, it went "Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not, remember that what you have was once among the things you only hoped for." It is by Epicurus and somehow it landed in front of my 13 teenage eyes. It is pretty likely that at that time I had no idea who Epicurus was (even after taking philosophy class two years ago I can recall that he was Greek and a philosopher and started his own thinking path). So I was very young, but this quote made its way into my heart, even though I am not a person of words, I am a person of calculation, growth and cells. I do not know it for sure, but it is one quote that has followed me for almost ten years, everywhere I went, I sort of live by it. It is a sad quote, almost tragic because it presents evolution of the mind and how it will always run ahead of us, changing our direction before we realise it. Thanks to this blog I can now share it with you, and it makes my heart grow fonder.

Q & A with an artist | Mateja Kovač

H  e  l  l  o !  As I promised, I am coming back with a new series of posts where I will do little interviews with some extremely talented people! It will be a great way for me to work out how much time I actually have to spend on blogging nowadays. I found our first artist, Mateja, on Etsy (Oh how I love it, truly!)  She comes from Croatia and has a degree in Art! I was immediately drawn to her works and decided I just have to own one and put it on my wall! :) Pictures in this post were not taken only by me. I wanted to show you more of Mateja's works and I only own one. I asked Mateja a couple of questions, here are her answers!

About surviving and about fall.

Do you know how I managed to survive the first month of fall?

{succesfully staying very true to myself}

I drank as much coffee as I should have.

Just for the taste of it. Not even because I needed an extra energy boost to stay up during the nights. I sort of gave up on going out to get coffee, although it required alot of self-restraint, because so many times I caught myself thinking of getting that one cup on my way home from groceries grabbing. I would always think that it might be few coins closer to my dream vacation or new phone. It helped!

I began working on new projects.

In late September I got so many new ideas on how I would like to build up some community around this blog. Of course I turned to Etsy sellers first, because I very much enjoyed working with some in the past. Quickly after that the packages started to arrive at my door, which required more photos being taken each day! Soon enough (next week to begin with) I will be showing you the second of the collaborations with those great people! Discount codes are coming too! This is exciting. Check out my first collab- BEST FALL SCENTS TO BE FOUND ON ETSY.

Best fall scents to be found on Etsy. (And discount codes for you!!!)

Fall has been around for over a month now, but when I first felt it approaching, I began to look for ways to warm myself up from the inside. I drank more and more of hot water with raspberry syrup, which reminds me of sore throat times, because it is a drink that always puts me back on my feet. I began the autumn cleaning, getting rid of things that littered my space, making loads of new room for new memories and feelings. Fall was about to happen right in front of me, all around me. I had to do my best to try to survive it, without getting mud and wind into my heart. 

It is the time of the year that my sinuses & I would gladly just shut ourselves inside of my apartment, light some candles, sip warm tea under a blanket and watch movies until I fall asleep. Each and every part of that ritual needs to be present, to create this unique atmospheare that I adore. So I started searching for candles to match my autumn, slightly depressive state of mind, and maybe make it a little better. I love collabing with different Etsy sellers, and so I did it again this time. I spoke to a few of them and asked them about the most suiting fall scent that they could send me. I wanted to find my favourite, once and for all times. I wanted my routine to be unique and heart warming. The outcome of this was magnificent. I did not expect so many people to love that idea and want to contribute. So here I am today, after a few weeks of candle lightening, when I can really recommend you my faves, tell you how the scents affected my fall routine and what I think it's most perfect for fall. I've got a few discount codes for you too, so you can get a candle or two for yourselves, we've got another month of fall in front of us! I hope you will love those soy candles as much as I do! They are non-toxin and have burning time much longer than the classic paraffin candles. All the opinions in this post are 100% mine!

Swell Festival by Erin Oxnam

A few weekends ago my friends and I went down to our local beach to see the sculptures at Swell Festival. It’s hosted every year at Currumbin Beach and has some amazing creations that artists work on all year.

I’ve only been down to see it one other time two years ago and I was really happy with the pictures I took with my Zenit EM-1. Since then, I’ve become quite acquainted with my Pentax ME Super and wanted to test it out to see how the pictures held up against the ones from 2013.

The art of writing letters by Tina Sosna

Hi, I'm Tina Sosna, a 22 year old analog photographer from a little town in the heart of Germany. About six years ago I started my blog worteinbildern.blogspot.com where I show my life and love to nature in self portraits and that's also the place where I hold the beauty I see in people or the world in general in photographs.

But beside photography I always enjoyed to write letters. Since I was about 9 I tried to keep up friendships with people from cities more far away trough handwritten letters. At this point I had no idea that this love would grow so much with time. With starting my photography blog I also got the chance to get in touch with many people around the world. And not only in the digital world. Soon, people I've always looked up to on the internet, started to become my penpals..

How to grow your social media following

  
I have always considered interaction with other users the crucial part of getting feedback and good following count. Holidays, where I could lay back and browse through my favourite tags on Instagram, because I actually had time to do this, were my most successful days. 

I strongly believe that once you create content that you are proud of, or you are improving gradually, the key is to get out there, in front of people who might be interested by it. 

How can they find you if you don't try? In a world where millions of people post their works on Instagram or update Twitter on daily basis, how can you be found? The good following numbers are not just numbers. Sure they can be used to pitch a brand you were always wanting to work with - and they might actually help. But they also mean more and more people enganging with you, commenting your work, letting you know what they love and what they don't.

Archie is the web app that I found recently. Just a little over a week ago, a friend at Peony's Project recommended it to us. A free three day trial began and at the end of it I already knew I wanted more. Are you curious what is it all about and why it got me so excited in the first place? Read on!

Embroidery by Ania Margoszczyn

I love to wander around with my camera, and usually all my blogposts are about places I visit, but this time I'll tell you a bit about something else.

I am a big fan of all kinds of handmade stuff, I follow dozens of painters, knitters, jewellery makers, and I usually I also like to try everything myself (although I don't have much talent for any of those crafts). Last year when I lived in Budapest, I came across the work of an amazing japanese embroidery artist Yumiko Higuchi. My first thought was - I would love to have something made by her, and then I thought - I'd love to try embroidery too! So I went to the nearest sewing shop, found a hoop and some floss (which was actually not that easy, as I had to learn all the tricky names in Hungarian), and that's how it all started.

Indonesia by Diana Rahim (Verkur)

I was in Bogor not too long ago. The room I was in faced the mountains and the air was clear. I don’t think any two people are looking at the same mountain. I remember how a lady once complained about the way her best friend exclaimed at the beauty of a sunset, gushing about the beauty of life, the earth and spilling with love for humanity. Annoyed, she told her best friend – “why do you have to make everything so spiritual!” She found it a bit much and I found the incident funny, precisely because I am prone to such excessiveness. The lady found the sunset’s beauty in its colours not in projected abstractions; in the way they struck the eye and everything it hits. A beauty from simple reality divorced from the world of spiritual abstraction.

currently October

e a t i n g
I am currently head over heels in love with the creme soups that my fave bistro is serving. Fall has already hit us hard and days are very cold, mornings especially. Moments when I can get away and eat something that delicious and WARM make my heart happy. They also serve delicious pâté with bread that they make themselves. It is seriously my favourite place in Bialystok - because no matter what I eat there, everything tastes great. If you ever happen to stumble upon our winterland, go to Baristacja.

e x p l o r i n g

I do not have time to do any exploring apart from exploring people's oral cavities... Alright, for those who got scared by me just saying it. I am a student of the fourth year of dentistry and we are treating patients more frequently than during the previous years. It is both exciting and scary, but I think it is getting easier each time. 

w e a r i n g

I managed to buy that one skirt that I longed for since I saw it back in August - unfortunately I got discouraged to wear it so far, because I am not sure what to pair it up with so I do it justice. It is really pretty, in a perfect color for fall, also just the right lenght. Studying daily makes my mind worn out and undecisive. 

And in just 20 days... I am getting BRACES on. This is what excites me! I will make a separate post about it, my motivation, selected treatment, how I prepare myself for two years of being a braceface. I am finally making that move guys! I am so happy!

a d m i r i n g
How beautiful the world is turning at nature's dying point. Of course it is all set to rebirth again in spring, but I have to say fall is taking its fall with a great dose of dignity. I love seeing sun shine down those trees and leaves that swirl in the air for a moment before they land on the ground. It has so much grace. Golden hour happens at 4:30pm now and I have to say it is my favourite moment of the whole day if I am able to experience it.

c o l l e c t i n g
Items for my fall project, which will appear on my blog on the last day of October. I just have to say that I am really excited for you to see it and perhaps use the discount codes that will come with it, so you can spend the rest of fall in a more autumny mood :) I am also browsing for prints that I can finally put up on my wall to make my space more complete. Cannot wait to show them to you after I arrange them all!


Speak soon! I will leave you to the continuation of guest blogger October. New post in two days!

Hello, Autumn by Natalie Hagen

Well friends, it is finally here! Hello, Autumn! This is my favorite season and I am so glad that I can finally embrace it with open arms. The cooler temperatures, the delicious treats, the holidays, and all the fun things you can do in the fall just make me so excited. Today I wanted to share with Dipped in Rococo's readers a few of my favorite things about this beautiful new season.

I love that the days are shorter. I love watching the sunset and paint the sky in a beautiful array of colors as the world quietly slips away into the night. I love having bonfires and roasting marshmallows with friends in the crisp autumn nights, too!

Cornwall: Visual Diary by Amy Hodkin

first steps in analog photography

@volchitza_ asked "How and when you first approached analog photography? What drew you to it?"

I used to have a Tumblr blog, where I would mostly focus on tv shows and movies. Once in awhile, I would see one of these wonderful photographs being reblogged into my dashboard. Little did I know that those were taken with analog cameras. It took me awhile to be so consumed by them, by their light depiction and colors, and I finally clicked on one of those follow up links to find out more. It lead me to this flickr account. Liis, its owner, was shooting Zenit at that point, I was in love. At first I thought she used digital and achieved everything in post-processing, but I asked her about that and she told me everything was pure and untouched, and created with analog photography. That was the initial moment for me. It took me additional couple of months to get an analog camera and a couple of more months to get shooting, but that was it :) It happened more less three years ago. 

let's talk about food.

It is still a mystery how I remain so terribly ashamed of taking pictures of food in bistros and cafes. I deeply love food, and food is often art - this is why I am still trying though. I succeed in being unseen almost always. This time though, as I was leaving, I was approached by someone from the staff, asking whether the pictures will be featured on some blog or something like that. That was such a great feeling. I wasn't treated like another young adult taking meaningless photographs of their lunch. I felt better than that. I somehow regretted not having a business card with me, because in my dreams I would always have one in a moment like that. Nope, I still don't have those. And maybe that is even better. Maybe I will grow up to printing them one day.

I don't do food reviews, because I am not qualified to do that. I often do write my opinion about it though. Take that super delicious pasta, for example, that somehow felt just so perfect for September, with mushrooms and fresh parsley. And technically all I end up saying is that you should totally visit this place. And I can recommend that one dish with my whole heart. On the other hand, A. was not amazed by the burger she ordered. It looked amazing, but the taste, she says, was only okay. Maybe I should really just act as if I knew what I was doing. Looking professional might make people feel intimidated and leave me alone to shoot some more.

"Guest Blogger October" schedule

Read more to check all the amazing bloggers who will fill October on Dipped in Rococo with pure awesomeness. I promise you will not be disappointed. I have to say it was much fun to be able to look for guest bloggers. I have received so many yes'es, it's incredible! Please click on all the photographs and send our participants some love. And do not forget to stay tuned for October! There will be analog, there will be creativity, there will be beautiful stories.

growing your blog with communities

I am not too experienced in the field of blogging community. At this moment I am a part of a few. Communities are something every blogger will recommend to you. The same they would do with commenting on other people's blogs and starting friendships. Communities are all about that. These are places to ask someone more experienced in the blogging world about your concerns or problems. This is the part that I love the most. Blogger families open different types of doors. What makes it all work out are strong leaders, knowing how to organize everything. It is hard not to lose balance between healthy "family" relationship and a facebook group where everyone does nothing but promote themselves. The biggest community that I am a part of has a few thousands members, so it is a potentially huge readers base.

Promotion is something we all want, and we shouldn't deny that. We dream to be noticed, our content loved, commented on, our views going up and staying there. But we should promote ourselves only when and where it's appropriate and welcome.

places hidden away

I never knew such places existed. Or perhaps I hoped they did, yet there were hidden away from me, unreachable. Times when you wake up and you feel so incredibly free, and you could sit reading a book, undisturbed for hours. It is a truly glorious feeling to experience a state like that. I was lucky to get invited to stay at that house for a few days to lay back and relax. I was reading Sharp Objects by Gillian Flynn at the time. We were there with two Welsh terriers (& one turtle!!!) that completely stole my heart, being so drawn to humans and wanting to spend every minute of the day with them.

currently linkup (september)

Reading / Last book I read was "Dark Places" by Gillian Flynn. Moved by my prior read of that author - the fabulous "Gone Girl" - I quickly caught up and read the other two of Flynn's works. Dark Places being the last of all three. It definitely left me content, and willing to read her new works in the future. It is a fairly pleasant mix of a dark thriller and even darker female characters. Like I have said, it is the last book that I read and I have not decided yet, which one comes next. I have a couple of options. One of them is continuing on with Carlos Zafon's series that starts with "The Shadow of the Wind"(1). A beautiful read. A fascinating story. I am feeling so bad that my love had to do so much to make me read it in the first place. Don't be as ignorant as I had been - give it a try if you haven't already.

“Books are mirrors: you only see in them what you already have inside you." (1)

The blogs I am currently reading are Simple Moments Stick & Lamb Loves Fox, also featuring great photography.

Making / progress in catching up with Orange is the New Black, season three is seriously fierce! I have a bunch of episodes left, so I may step away from books for a moment, to be able to finish this new season before the academic years starts.

Pinning / I have to admit something, I have been pretty terrible at Pinterest, the last year or so. Before, I was collecting inspiration for blog design, mostly fonts, floral drawings and patterns. I need to go back to that soon.

Anticipating / the moment I finally have braces put on. Four wisdom teeth later - it is the time. I have money, I have the visit booked, nothing can go wrong this time. I am motivated and ready for it. Sure I am a bit scared about mantaining it all, but I already bought a toothpaste with a high fluoride procentage and the mouth rinse - soon enough I will buy an oral irrigator and I will rock that state of my being for the next two or so years.

Loving / the app that I have found recently called Paper by FiftyThree, which lets me draw on my tablet. I am using nothing but my finger, creating my own fonts, writing down Taylor Swift lyrics. Since I sometimes put up my writing for sale as cool stickers on Redbubble, it is a great find for me! I created the header of this post with this app, and I am telling you, nobody would believe that it is my actually handwriting... I normally am more messy and not that artsy...hah, who knew.. :)

Wondering / how to transport my stuff back to the city where I study. It is a big pile of things, with my small cacti and Gerberas - it would be awful to have to leave them behind while they are so healthy and blooming!

Praying / for the imigration crisis to end. It gives me all types of bad feelings, as I am torn between wanting to help people, but fearing that the cultural differencies will cause chaos in my country. Tough stuff that fills up my thoughts, even though there is nothing I can do about it.

Writing / actual blog posts feels better than I remembered! I know that most of the time I post a few lines of text with a bunch of photographs. I had a feeling I lost my true self behind that blog. I should take part in more of these linkups, for sure. It is a refreshing feeling!

Attempting / to create a saving up plan for the following year. I have made myself a promise that at the end of the next school year I will have money for both an iPhone and vacation in Portugal. Please, university, come to the rescue with an educational scholarship, pleeease! :)

Planning / to learn and perfect at least one new pasta dish this year. Okay, so I keep doing a Bolognese, a Carbonara, but what comes next? Help me out if you have some super delicious pasta recipe and want to share it with me!

How about you? What are your plans and thoughts this month?

I saw the linkup first on the Kardia blog, but it originated with Jenna and Anne, so make sure to check out their blogs as well :) Thank you for reading and I will talk to you soon!

vintage market Kiermusy

Held once a month in a small village Kiermusy. A big gathering of people trying to sell their vintage goods. A unique experience for us :) 

It was some real luck that it was happening exactly when I was leaving Bialystok for summer holidays, because otherwise I would have missed it for sure. We had been talking about visiting Kiermusy on its vintage market day for awhile then. I was hoping to find a great opportunity to purchase some vintage cameras for small amount of money. Unfortunately that was the case :) There were Smenas, Agfas and the simplest Zenits around - for about 30 PLN each, definitely not what I was looking for, but also some better cameras, even a Leica (that I was not sure was not a fake) but for regular hundreds like prices. I wanted to spend some money, yet not that much. I laid my eyes on a beautiful vintage music box. In my price range, still playing beautiful Chopin tunes. The lady told me it was a French pre-war music box, I did not really believe her. At home I found out that it's an actual '70s or '80s box made in the US. See? More trust issues from now on.

I love vintage markets. If you ever happen to be in Prague, make sure to visit the flea market by Vltava - I wrote a post about this one here, where I shot those vintage goodies with my previous analog camera.

10 things to do in wroclaw

There is no end to Wroclaw related posts, folks! I know that most of you will probably never visit Wroclaw, which is a fantastic Polish city, but as long as my memory is still fresh after my trip, I decided to tell you some more about what you just must see! I promise that it won't be much about me talking, but instead showing you what is there to be loved and admired in this city and how you can fill your days while being there! There will be some cool food places mentioned as well, as I know that exploring always results in hunger! Since I wouldn't want this post to get tooooo long, I divided attractions into specific pages, click the name of the attraction and it will lead you to photographs.

PREPARE YOURSELF FOR AN ENCOUNTER WITH THE WILD 

ADMIRE BEAUTIFUL VIEWS FROM THE 49TH FLOOR

EXPERIENCE ART

WALK THE BRIDGE OF LOVERS

WITNESS A BATTLE

STROLL AROUND BEAUTIFUL TENEMENT HOUSES 

SPEND A JAPANESE AFTERNOON

GET A YUMMY BREAKFAST

TRY SOMETHING NEW FOR DINNER

SPEND THE EVENING WITH SOME HONEY BEER & GREAT MUSIC

(each is a link, so click away!)

the dwarves

Over the few days in Wroclaw, I heard that there are over 200 dwarves there. The official dwarf website says 163. Still enough to fill a few days of exploring. Not all of them are placed on the street. They are also in more or less official buildings - a museum, a public pool, a school. You also need to get on a tram with a specific side number to find one. Lots of work! So a hunt is truly a hunt and you cannot fear asking other people for help if you want to find them us. Map on the right shows the location of dwarves in the city centre. On the left, you can see the dwarf "Panoramist" Panoramist is what you would call – a historical dwarf. Look at his outfit and how well he rides the horse. He looks almost like Tadeusz Kościuszko. He gallops on a ledge of the rotund where Panorama Racławicka is displayed. Its authors – Mr. Kossak and Mr. Styka would probably be surprised that the masterpiece they painted is popular in dwarf world as well.

Just like I said in the previous post, our trip was not limited to dwarf searching. We also wanted to explore other sides of the city, so it wasn't our main goal to spend our days looking for them. If we came somewhere and we were lucky enough, we could add another little dwarf to our collection. I did not photograph all of them that we saw. I felt like it wasn't neccessary.

wroclaw called wroclove (the essence)

I came back from the overheated south of Poland a few days ago. The whole country is burning up, making me think that bus drivers that don't activate the air conditioning are murderers. It's tough to live in such heat. Wroclaw was particularly hot with its 39 degrees of Celcius in shade. I put up with it, just like I would so during some exotic vacations in Africa. This is my time, I thought. I don't sunbath like ever, knowing that sunburnt skin is unhealthy skin, ageing faster, and just generally nothing I should be proud of. In Wroclaw I let the sun kiss me slightly. 

Those few days south made me feel alive again. We were eating in restaurants, as my appetite was huge. So weird during such hot days, I have to admit. We walked the streets, a bottle of water in one hand, the city guide in another, my eyes covered with cheap sunglasses, that are probably ruining my eyesight. Each day was fun and unique. It's hard to tell you just one thing that I loved in Wroclaw. It's a beautiful city, and I was really in love with what I saw. One of the main attractions that did not require tickets, but did indeed make us walk further and further each day, was searching for the dwarves (the city special). We spotted about fifty of those (out of about two hundred, oh my), mostly because at times I felt like just walking and looking for them was not worthy of the time in this city. We had so much other stuff to see. Museums, parks, bridges, little islands. I think we made the best of our stay. I want to show you some of my memories in photographs. I hope you will enjoy them. Please, tell me what you would like to know. Do you want to see more dwarves? Should I do top 10 places to visit while in Wroclaw? I'm open to suggestions and I cannot wait to tell you more about my trip! 

22 in 2 days

I am almost 22, and at night I still dream about saving the world. I hate the thought that my character can already be fully shaped and there is nothing left for me to do, as I will stay this way forever. I don't have plans, I only have dreams. And I have to tell you, those are still the dreams of a child. I don't think about supporting myself, I don't think about starting a happy family. I dream of moving from place to place and never having to worry about anything. Real life gets me down. That's why I spend my days in bed unless I have to get up to do my summer practice. The days that I have to get up and clean people's teeth are probably the best days, because once I am on my feet, my thoughts are somehow brighter. The other days I just think about how miserable I make myself. I am losing all the positive feelings, turning into a mindless zombie, curled up in my bed, drinking coffee just for the taste of it. I want to have dreams, just never speak loudly about them. I have a feeling that each time I say something out loud, the moving spirit vanishes, I am no longer capable of making it happen. And I watch so many chances go by. Too many. On daily basis. I see myself lighting up, then burning down until nothing positive stays. I know that this blog means nothing to you, and I hate to see that it's starting to mean less and less to me as well. It might be a writer's block or honesty block. I'll try to write something new in a few days, since I have a bunch of photographs for you to see. So sorry it's taking so long, I am not in a very good place right now. Maybe once I am 22, the hazy days will stop.

nameless cat

Nameless cats are perhaps my favourite. Sometimes I wish I was more like them. Responding to nothing and no one. Just so free and careless, not worrying about anything. There is always a nameless cat in Murakami's books, there was a nameless cat in Breakfast at Tiffany's. Looks like they are somehow iconic characters. 

“Holding this soft, small living creature in my lap this way, though, and seeing how it slept with complete trust in me, I felt a warm rush in my chest. I put my hand on the cat's chest and felt his heart beating. The pulse was faint and fast, but his heart, like mine, was ticking off the time allotted to his small body with all the restless earnestness of my own.” ― Haruki Murakami, The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle 

I had always failed at capturing animals. I was never fast enough. My yorkie loves to move way too much. The cat just gazed at me when I kneeled down beside him and focused my lens. He gazed with those beautiful light eyes. Maybe it was the heat of that day that made him so lazy, he just did not want to move away from me. I could see that he wanted to play, but I felt like so did his claws. And those sharp little knife-like teeth.

There will be a new post in two or three days when I put together some description of the flea market that we visited when I was leaving Bialystok for summer vacation. I shot with Kodak Ultramax 400, so there will be some gorgeous tones here and there. Stay tuned! And since I've gone back to regular blogging now, I would love to have you apply for the free banner swaps that I offer! Let's grow our blogs together! You can click here if you are interested! :)

my favourite faded fantasy

My vacation has finally begun. But like always in life, I just cannot spend my days in bed and forget about the whole world. In the past, I successfully vanished each time the vacation started. This year, unlike any other, it is just too hard to fully let go of everything and everyone. Maybe I no longer know how to turn invisible. I cannot go unseen. Life in another city has made me stronger, but when I saw a familiar face in the crowd the other day, all the feelings came back to me. During my school years, I was worth nothing. Nobody ever cared about me. I was never popular, neither in the positive nor the negative way. I just existed. Often people laughed at me, because of the stupidest reasons, like the house I lived in or that my mum was so protective of me, that I couldn't go on  a bus by myself until I was 11 or 12. I heard bitter words because I was skinny and my breasts did not exist until late middle school. During the first years in school, I was surrounded by people that spoiled and clueless about real life, that I feel so relieved that I no longer see them day to day. I somehow survived the worst years, living my dream life in my head, living all the scenarios. Maybe I took after my dad in more than just height. I feel like we both demand perfection from ourselves. I wish it was not the case, because I am honestly tired of feeling like I am not enough. I swear, it would have been easier if I just forgot that anyone is actually reading those ramblings that I gather here.

I would have lied if I said that all my life I had been dreaming about you. I had been dreaming about douches and fuck-ups that never took a second glance at me. That perhaps treated my interests as flaws, while you think of me as a smart and well-rounded girl. I do not feel complete, but with you I have learnt to love what I am. And now I feel more sure that I can take a chance at whatever I want, and even if my wishes are not granted, I feel that I deserve the best. Thank you.

shooting people

Some time ago, I told you I was going to try to become more of a 'portrait-shooter' in future. As much as uncomfortable it makes me at the moment, when I still worry that I will be facing other person's expectations, I am trying to make it all happen. So here I am today, ready to show you a few photographs taken this week with my friend - Agata, of course in the Palace gardens. I don't know who was more stressed, Agata or myself, but somehow we managed to take a couple of nice shots. I especially love the first one. With a fairly clean frame, good light and thought behind it. With film, it is always scary, because you might not take any good shots, you let the model go, and you might just be left with nothing. I am still holding onto film though. Maybe I am scared of being mediocre. Because honestly, film is what makes it so special in my opinion. I wish I knew more about rules of composition, about how to make it even more unique. I might have learnt the ropes, but there is so much of development that can be done in this field. I am scared of bad opinions and critique, therefore photography stays as a hobby and a hobby only. It has made me realize, I have been shooting film for two years already! No interest had ever lasted that long!

first time with kodak portra

Looks like I might have caught a cold from my cold,  f r e e z i n g  heart. No matter how silly it sounds, it might just be the case. Or it's just the mix of hormones in my cardiovascular system that makes me continuosly push you away from me. I want us to pull through. To arrive ashore in one piece. This is what I am hoping for these days. This is the wish that I have.

Having my photographs displayed some place public was an incredible experience. It happened at the night of museums in the Branicki Palace, where our university's photography club had its exbihibtion. Since one of the members is studying dentistry with me, he asked whether I would like to have some of my photos displayed. I said yes! The picking process was pretty long and almost gave me a headache. It was all worth it though! The minute we stepped inside the Palace and I saw actual human beings lurking around the exhibition and looking at my works - a truly beautiful feeling entered my heart and left me pumped up for another week or so! 

Moments like these, when my photography "goes alive", I find myself even more motivated and happy. 

Today I want to show you some snaps using Kodak Portra 400. This is a so-called professional film, which is also more expensive than what I usually use. I was supposed to keep it for portraits, but since I did not manage to find time for a pre-planned shooting session, I just shot the roll during my normal activities. I am very satisfied with the results and the tones, warm and up-lifting. Exactly what I was looking for :)

positive varsovie vibes

I am so so sorry for leaving you with no decent posts for so long! May & June will hopefully be the last months of my year three, so once the summer comes I will be here for good. Soon (in June) this blog will turn two years old, which makes me proud and excited to think what else will come my way. Photography has become so important, I don't want to ever let go of it! Today I am taking you with my photographs to sunny Warsaw, where I spent last May break, having been asked by my new flatmate to visit her for a few days. Beware, this post is a photo masterpost! I decided to show you most of the shots I took on that weekend. Featuring also pictures from the gorgoues Wilanów palace-gardens complex, leaving out only the ones took with Kodak Portra 400, since it was my first time with that film and I think it deserves a separate post about its performance and my opinion :) So read more, enjoy! Also, I have finally hit the 1k mark on Instagram, thank you everyone for following me and if you want to do so - check @cadds

few snaps for a better saturday

Today I feel like a worn out shoe. Yesterday I came back from Warsaw, where I spent two days of my spring break. I took a lot of photographs, that you will see next week. I met some amazing and inspiring people, even a Polish super model which I adore, a meeting that left me shaking from excitement. I could go on and on about that trip and how amazing I felt photographing that city and new places I had never explored before, but there will surely be time for that in the next post. Lately, I have been living in my fake empire, with some events that made me very stressed and unhappy. I regret nothing. I just want to go on living, not standing in anyone's way, but I refuse, I really refuse to be blamed for all of it. Do you ever feel like you are a good person, but that it has its end?

I want to keep going even though it gets tough. I admire people with skills, people who are deeply in love with what they do. I love seeing how their eyes lighten up, when they are talking about things they love. And when they say that they hope they would go on doing something forever. I never felt such love towards anything. No matter how bad it sounds, at least I don't feel like I have missed any chances. 

Coffee and little sweet treats are what I love, truly.
I bought myself new blue sneakers, which turned out to be super comfortable and perfect for the strolls we are taking nowadays, somehow bored with our old routes.

the family growing

I finally made another step towards my own analogue collection, buying a new lens - Canon 135mm FD f/3.5. At first I opted between 85mm-100mm, but found out that 85mm goes for some enormous amount of money and that's why I settled for a much cheaper alternative, a little bigger 135mm. These are the first photographs that I have taken with it. I love it when I buy something that is so much different that what I have shot with so far. Firstly, the distance. To get my focus right I need at least 1.5m between my subject and I. Works great with portraits, when I don't intimidate my models by putting my camera right into their faces. That's how I imagined the portrait taking from now on. 

What's most embarassing... I still don't quite know how to attach it. It's big, it's heavy, and it has some weird attach-technology which I haven't solved yet and when I use it, it requires a few tries. It makes me feel more like a pro though. And with the external lamp attached too - it looks pretty great, I must say. I treat it like my biggest treasure, and carry it around every day. I feel like it's perfect for stalking people in the park. It's not your regular telephoto lens, but I surely see its potential in that field.

some fun with monochrome

Usually color is what attracts me. When it all gets limited to shades of gray, I was never fully satisfied with my photographs. I tried monochrome films a few times, always left with a little bittersweet taste in my mouth. Dissatisfaction? Regret? I would never see myself as a black & white 'photographer'. The apostrophe because I am just a girl taking pictures, seriously, I can never call myself a photograph. Somehow I feel it doesn't fit. So my journey with monochrome was periodical and nothing too exciting. I tried Ilford, which was supposed to blow my mind, well it didn't. I still looked for the perfect film, which would make me not regret losing colors of the world. I have to say Kodak T-max 400 finally did the job, and I can say I found 'the one'. This post is for you to see how I handled that roll. Shot over some big amount of time, carrying the memories from Tykocin and Bialystok, both horizontal and vertical. With an external lamp and with no flash at all. Lenses 50mm and 135mm. You have a real variety of what I love shooting, actually. 

I think I am ready to start photographing people other than the closest ones. My flatmate has been a very patient and lovely model. Fortunately the weather has been very beautiful recently, I want to give nature some extra days to blossom and fill the world with more colors and life, and then we will be off for some shooting outdoors. 135mm is a joy to use, but I am already after 28mm or 35mm, I guess I cannot stop for now!