Saturday, 11 April 2015

some fun with monochrome


Usually color is what attracts me. When it all gets limited to shades of gray, I was never fully satisfied with my photographs. I tried monochrome films a few times, always left with a little bittersweet taste in my mouth. Dissatisfaction? Regret? I would never see myself as a black & white 'photographer'. The apostrophe because I am just a girl taking pictures, seriously, I can never call myself a photograph. Somehow I feel it doesn't fit. So my journey with monochrome was periodical and nothing too exciting. I tried Ilford, which was supposed to blow my mind, well it didn't. I still looked for the perfect film, which would make me not regret losing colors of the world. I have to say Kodak T-max 400 finally did the job, and I can say I found 'the one'. This post is for you to see how I handled that roll. Shot over some big amount of time, carrying the memories from Tykocin and Bialystok, both horizontal and vertical. With an external lamp and with no flash at all. Lenses 50mm and 135mm. You have a real variety of what I love shooting, actually. 

I think I am ready to start photographing people other than the closest ones. My flatmate has been a very patient and lovely model. Fortunately the weather has been very beautiful recently, I want to give nature some extra days to blossom and fill the world with more colors and life, and then we will be off for some shooting outdoors. 135mm is a joy to use, but I am already after 28mm or 35mm, I guess I cannot stop for now! 

Thursday, 9 April 2015

back and forth

I am a little ticking bomb. tick-tock Feeling like I could crush us all down anytime soon. Is it easy to be this way? No. It's the toughest thing ever to be looking into your eyes and knowing that for the best you should just let me go already. Fortunately or the contrary, someone gave me the body of selfishness and the heart of weak human material. I cannot stop and won't stop. I feel the destruction coming my way, but I'd rather burn myself down than change the locks that separate me from sanity. There are things that I want to strongly believe into. That I'm worth what I'm getting. And I am not talking about the bits of sadness or unclarity. I want to believe that finally, after all this time, the world is letting me off the leash. That it's not some Cinderella stuff that will end before I manage to blink twice. That it was all given to me, not to be taken away, but to stay.

Wednesday, 25 March 2015

where it all comes from

I have no idea where it all comes from. The wanderlust building up gradually over the months, the desire to be some place new, take a walk at sunrise and have a coffee in one of those little cafes. It makes me tired to want all of those things, when my luxury nowadays is sleep or time with my love. I'm sure lots of you have traveled further and to places more beautiful, but I feel like each year I keep adding something valuable to my traveling experience. I can't be sure that this time anything new will be given to me, but one can hope, of course. And spend hours scrolling up and down the cheap flights options...

The photograph above is a picture of myself, taken by a friend, who also loves analog photography. It's fun to become a model for once in awhile. Sure it's easier to be behind the camera, give directions, look for a better light. Harder to face the idea of your own face framed in a 35mm film, happening on a pizza outing, when you have no makeup at all. But you pose anyway, holding the white menu as a diaphragm. Basically, that post is just a little treat that I wanted to show you, because I have grown very fond of that frame. Thank you once again, Janek! :) 

Soon enough new rolls will be developed and you will see results of my new lens in action. In the meantime, I will keep fighting the imperfections, think of how to portray some of my future models and grab a bowl of spaghetti carbonara, since we cooked it this afternoon and it tastes so delicious my stomach keeps screaming for more. I love you guys, thank you for reading on! 

Thursday, 19 March 2015

sooner or later


Relationships with people are fragile. Sometimes all it takes it's a shift of light and you realize nothing will ever be the same. Maybe I should look closer at the way their pupils react, and the faces change to avoid future disappointments. Wish I could hear thoughts, read their expressions like open books. From time to time I feel so extremely frustrated that I have to be around anyone. My fists clench at the thought of things that people hide from each other. Now I am sure that they will eventually come right back at you, vicious, out for blood.