the family growing

I finally made another step towards my own analogue collection, buying a new lens - Canon 135mm FD f/3.5. At first I opted between 85mm-100mm, but found out that 85mm goes for some enormous amount of money and that's why I settled for a much cheaper alternative, a little bigger 135mm. These are the first photographs that I have taken with it. I love it when I buy something that is so much different that what I have shot with so far. Firstly, the distance. To get my focus right I need at least 1.5m between my subject and I. Works great with portraits, when I don't intimidate my models by putting my camera right into their faces. That's how I imagined the portrait taking from now on. 

What's most embarassing... I still don't quite know how to attach it. It's big, it's heavy, and it has some weird attach-technology which I haven't solved yet and when I use it, it requires a few tries. It makes me feel more like a pro though. And with the external lamp attached too - it looks pretty great, I must say. I treat it like my biggest treasure, and carry it around every day. I feel like it's perfect for stalking people in the park. It's not your regular telephoto lens, but I surely see its potential in that field.

sooner or later

Relationships with people are fragile. Sometimes all it takes it's a shift of light and you realize nothing will ever be the same. Maybe I should look closer at the way their pupils react, and the faces change to avoid future disappointments. Wish I could hear thoughts, read their expressions like open books. From time to time I feel so extremely frustrated that I have to be around anyone. My fists clench at the thought of things that people hide from each other. Now I am sure that they will eventually come right back at you, vicious, out for blood.

5 little things.

Enjoy the little things, for some day you will look back and realize they were the big things.

Tuesday might not be my most favourite day of the week, but as any other day anyone should be able to find at least 5 little things to love, enjoy about that certain date.

1// Today we can celebrate our 4 months together, which (frankly speaking) I would call more of a 11 months period of time, but since we're keeping it official at this point, 4 months it is. I feel like I have known you for so long, 4 months is simply nothing compared to that. It doesn't do us any justice.

Dzisiaj mijają nam cztery miesiące, chociaż szczerze nazwałabym te cztery - jedenastoma. Czując, że znam Cię już tak długo, że cztery miesiące to po prostu niesprawiedliwe określenie.

2// This time I managed to get all Christmas gifts on time and today being December 9th I could even start wrapping them all already... I won't though. I just have to leave it for the last moment. 

Tym razem wszystkie prezenty świąteczne dotarły na czas i w zasadzie już dzisiaj, czyli dziewiątego, mogłabym zacząć je pakować... czego nie zamierzam robić, bo wypada zostawić cokolwiek na ostatnią chwilę.

3// Last night I finally bought Canon AE-1 Program, which I had longed for for such a long time! All thanks to super nice pair from Hungary, whom I had found on Etsy. (Click for their Etsy store) I was offered a 20% discount all because I wrote them an email on the 6th, asking whether I could bargain over the price. Pure luck!

Wczoraj w nocy nareszcie kupiłam wymarzonego Canona AE-1 Program, którego chciałam mieć w swojej kolekcji już od dawna. Wszystko dzięki przemiłej parze z Węgier, których znalazłam na Etsy (tutaj), a którzy dali mi 20% rabatu (i lampę w prezencie) tylko dlatego, że napisałam do nich akurat szóstego grudnia, bo chciałam się potargować odnośnie ceny. Czyste szczęście!

4// Today we are starting to look for a new flat, which is for me both scary and exciting. But I will make a different post all about that matter. Just keep your fingers crossed for me please! :)

Dzisiaj zaczynamy szukać nowego mieszkania, co jest dla mnie zarówno straszne jak i ekscytujące. Powinien być osobny post na ten temat, ale trzymajcie proszę kciuki, by wszystko się udało!

5// Tuesday evenings mean also naps, which with my fucked up sleeping schedule are real gems. After this post is up online, I will make myself cozy, wrapped in my new Home&You blanket and try to sleep for at least two hours before going back to university life and Pharmacology.

Wtorkowe wieczory oznaczają też drzemki, które przy tak poplątanym rozkładzie snu są prawdziwą perełką! Kiedy już wstawię post, otulę się kocykiem z Home&You i przynajmniej dwie godziny pośpię, bo potem trzeba wracać do życia i farmakologii.

Weekly links: Stephanie & her Instagram thoughts // Betsy's Golden Vlog 

Shadow passes, light remains.

eng♥
I fall little behind with everything as the winter is approaching this city and makes itself cosy. Snow makes me go lazy. Blue skies, white snow, bed and the happy hipster playlist. Waiting for the Christmas break to come, which will happen in 3 weeks. We've almost made it. I'm both motivated to exit my comfort zone and wanting to just lay back and watch life go by. Quite a weird combination. I'm meeting so many new people these days, I truly start to believe it could all be worth something. That perhaps uni years are what they call the time of my life. I'm in the middle of it, so maybe it's about time I found real joy in where I am.

dum spiro, spero

Every week I notice myself breaking to pieces, and by the time Friday comes, I start to put myself back together. With different results each time. University gives me the worst kind of nervousness, love is not always what it's meant to be, and I am genuinely tired. My heart is. Photography, on the other hand, is doing quite alright. I feel like I could use free Fridays every week. One day completely to myself. Cleaning the apartment, taking care of myself, cooking some dinner. All these human things often get lost among things I study for. There is one piece of exciting news - we are going to Cracow on the 14th. I love how this major makes me go places. I have never ever been to Cracow, even though it's one of the most gorgeous Polish cities. My film stock is not ready yet, but I will surely grab some Fuji Superias and take them with me.  I had a feeling that I might never finish that black and white roll of film. Beautiful autumn weather around me, and everything I could capture were shades of grey. Quite acurate reflection of my soul. I am counting the days to buying a new camera. It's one of the things that I really await. Despite everything I really loved Kodak 400 CN, with it's amazing delicate grain!

Każdego tygodnia zauważam, że rozpadam się na kawałki, a do piątku zaczynam składać siebie od nowa. Zawsze z innym rezultatem. Uczelnia daje mi teraz bardzo dużo nerwów, miłość nie jest zawsze tym, czym powinna być, a ja jestem prawdziwie zmęczona. Moje serce jest. Fotografowanie wychodzi jednak całkiem dobrze. Czuję, że przydałyby mi się wolne piątki dokładnie co tydzień. Jeden dzień cały dla siebie. Trochę sprzątania, zajęcia się sobą, zrobienie obiadu. Wszystkie te małe ludzkie czynności, które często gubią się wśród rzeczy do nauki. Jest jedna bardzo ekscytująca informacja - 14.11 wybieramy się do Krakowa. Wprost kocham to, że dzięki temu kierunkowi tyle podróżuję. Nigdy nie byłam w Krakowie, mimo tego, że to jedno z najpiękniejszych polskich miast. Nie kupiłam jeszcze filmów, ale zapewne niedługo zaopatrzę się w kilka Fuji Superii z tej okazji. Miałam wrażenie, że nigdy nie uda mi się skończyć tej czarno-białej rolki. Piękna jesienna pogoda wokół mnie, a ja mogłam fotografować tylko w szarościach. Całkiem odpowiednie odzwierciedlenie mojej duszy. Odliczam dni do kupienia nowego aparatu. To jedna z rzeczy, na które niesamowicie czekam. Pomimo wszystko, pokochałam Kodak 400 CN, z jego cudownie delikatną ziarnistością!

birdcages

eng  I'm trying to find my own rhythm of life. I started being myself again. I book hotels, I go to caffes and spend tons on coffee. I take my camera out sporadically. My thoughts travel ahead with some enormous speed, as I postpone my obligations further and further away from "now". I think I am definitely someone who lives in the future. Hoping and wishing and wanting more. I am a bit worried of any routine entering my life. It gives me warmth at night to be thinking of us, but I want my happy ending to be here already. No doubts or additional questions. My life is now basically like a never ending stream of books, dumplings and pasta dishes, new music as in Isbells (whose 'Elation' gives me this warm fuzzy feeling inside, please give it a listen) and eating apples, so I will as healthy as possible. Leaves have this amazing variety of colors right now, but I am still stuck with a black & white roll and I curse the fact of owning only one slr :( Being in such a huge art gallery was definitely a big experience. For the very first time I decided to buy a photographer pass, which made me feel suprisingly good. I could photograph freely, find the angles that worked for me and enjoy this place more than I normally would.

pl Staram się znaleźć swój własny rytm w tym wszystkim. Znowu jestem sobą. Zabookowuję hotele, wydaję dużo na kawę. Aparat wyjmuję dość sporadycznie. Moje myśli wybiegają w przód z ogromną prędkością, podczas gdy ja odkładam swoje obowiązki dalej i dalej od "teraz". Zdecydowanie żyję w przyszłości. Mając nadzieję i chcąc więcej. Trochę się martwię jakąkolwiek rutyną wchodzącą w moje życie. Myślenie o nas daje mi ciepło w nocy, ale już chcę szczęśliwego zakończenia. Bez wątpliwości czy dodatkowych pytań. Moje życie jest teraz jak niekończące się pasmo książek, pierogów i makaronowych dań, nowej muzyki np. Isbells (ich 'Elation' powoduje u mnie takie ciepłe uczucie w środku, proszę przesłuchajcie!) i jedzenia jabłek, aby być zdrową. Liście mają te cudowne kolory, a ja nadal mam czarno-białą rolkę w aparacie, przeklinam fakt posiadania tylko jednego aparatu :( Bycie w takiej wielkiej galerii było zdecydowanie dużym przeżyciem. Pierwszy raz zdecydowałam się kupić przepustkę dla fotografów, która, co ciekawe, sprawiła, że czułam się dobrze. Mogłam fotografować, co chciałam, kombinować z kadrami i po prostu czerpać więcej przyjemności z tej wizyty.

roads to walk alone

Another season came and I am already struggling to find my place in this town. Every year I feel changed, like the reality that I had known and loved is gone forever. Every other day I find myself anxious. They say that fear comes from having something to lose and having a lot to live for. We are all afraid of something, but in the moments of sheer happiness we come together no matter what. Today I have a day off. A day of shamelessly not giving a damn about anything and everything. I am starting to wonder how crazy my 20s will eventually get. Life has surely many roads to walk alone, but it's been awhile since the last time I made a conscious decision to do something just by myself. Which way are we headed, huh? How to find time for so many aspects of my life at this point? How to stay motivated?

I want to keep posting, but I can already feel it's going to be tough. I haven't been photographing much, having the same roll in my camera for over a week now. This is why sometimes I will show you things from the past. If I manage to actually live between one sneeze and another, and somehow photograph my life outside of university, maybe this beautiful autumn weather outside of my window right now, then I will be back from time to time. I will try to make my sister finally develop the rolls she made in Greece this summer, so a little guest post is coming your way too! :) How are you holding on? Is fall treating you good?

I might finally give double exposure a try! Any tips?

second rendez vous with ilford

I am back from Budapest, but I still have not developed a thing, so in the meantime I am going to show your some photographs made before my little vacay. I got two rolls of Ilford FP4+ 125 iso for my birthday. Black & white presents different esthetics that what I create in my daily life, mostly because I find it hard to let go of the color, feeling like I miss out on something whenever I load up a black & white roll of film. 

from B, with love.

This is the last post before my departure to Budapest. We are both scared and excited, as travelling always includes both of these emotions. We have arranged everything by ourselves and on Sunday every little detail of our trip, that we had planned, is supposed to "click". Hopefully it will :) Before Budapest I will make a one day stop in my beloved Bialystok to hold some hands and kiss some lips. Then I'm off to new adventures.

Bstok has loads of new places for us to explore: kaffka bistro & a nóż widelec bistro. That's what tiggers like best. Light cuisine and new inspirations.

Walking down the park is easily one of my favourite activities. I do it in winter, when I have to get to another class, I do it in spring for the same reason and also for leisure. More of my winter stories are featured in once upon a jan. Summer is beautiful and I don't want it gone too soon, but I caught myself wondering what it would be like to feel the snowflakes on my cheeks again. One is sure with B, winter will come and once it comes and makes itself cosy around us, it will try to get into our hearts and once again we will have to warm each other up to make it through. 

Tudorcolor XLX200 really suprised me this time. Sun did its job and lightened it up to some beautiful tones this time! I am finally through with my second black & white roll, which was Ilford FP4 125, it was actually the first time that I shot a film with iso that low, so I am curious how it's all going to look. I will show you some photographs once I'm back from B, and then there will be a couple of Budapest posts, like the essence (something like the essence of Prague last year). Of course if my films don't get fried with the X-ray.

Speak soon! 

Kasia

one year of analog.

Sadly, as you can say, I am not taking part in this year's August Break, but head over to Katie's or Evelyn's to follow their August journeys. If you're taking part in this challenge and I don't know about you yet, please comment below and tell me! I would love to follow your posts.

Photography has grown on me, and there is no better time for low iso photographing than summer. It's a curious case of how after a year's time I am still more than happy with what I am shooting with. For those of you who never took any interest in that, I am an owner of Praktica MTL 3, which was an exceptionally cheap find on Ebay last summer. At first, I of course opted for Zenit, but had some unpleasant experience with it, so I gave up.  Over the year I looked for different options, considering a Canonet, Olympus Trip, and many other. 

I had a quick fling with Zenit ET, which broke down as well, and due to econominal reasons (repair being far more pricey than the camera itself) it just collects dust at this point. Maybe it's because of lack of Flea Markets that I could attend and find something analog for myself. I also bought a second hand Lomo Fisheye No 2. I only shot two rolls with it so far, but I guess it's fun and this year I am giving it to my sister, when she goes on her honeymoon, so she can show you a little of that trip and I don't need to worry that she will break it or something like that.

I own only two lenses and most of the time I find that one is enough. I am completely in love with my 58mm Helios 44-2. Its bokeh is to die for, it's perfect for my guilty pleasure of shooting food and I believe you cannot go wrong with that lens. With some good light, it produces high quality, sharp images. 

During winter I bought a 28mm Helios lens. I went with Helios because I was very happy with the results 44-2 gave me, and I found that it was a pretty cheap choice. I don't plan to go professional with photography, therefore I don't want to spend hundreds of $ buying equipment. 28mm is alright, nothing which stole my heart though. It makes you feel like you have stepped out a little bit, and for once in awhile it's really refreshing to own such perspective.

Some time after that, around March, I looked for a more macro lens, but once again, not wanting to spend too much money, I gave in and decided to try an alternative - macro rings. I got three. And for now I am only shooting with the smallest close up :)

People still find it hard to photograph me in focus, and I cannot blame them. Focusing is the hardest thing they have to approach when using a manual camera. But over the year I stumbled upon bigger problems than wrong focusing. It was discouraging at first, and I found myself wondering whether analog photography was for me, but I never gave up and now I feel like it was the right thing to do. Analog brings me incredible fun. 

I have tried a variety of films, but my journey has just began. My most loved ones are Fuji Superia 200 (so mainstream, I know), Fuji X-tra 400, Agfa Vista, Kodak Ultramax, but I have many others that I highly doubt I could give up on. Only recently I made more brave choices when buying film. I finally bought a Ferrania Solaris, and as a gift I received Fujicolor Pro 400H, which I saved up for Budapest and I cannot wait to finally use! You can check out the films I have tried already in the sidebar :)

What are your analog choices? What film/camera do you crave at this point? Let me know :)

reality of being twenty+

- t h e  b i r t h d a y  g i r l -

I know I had told you there would be no post for my twenty first birthday, but I had not predicted a new roll would be finished by me around that time. I thought I wouldn't have a cake, no party whatsoever, nothing to show you, my friends. My sister surprised me with a delicious cake with raspberries, wild strawberries (my favourite!) and blueberries, which was bought, not made, but she picked certainly the best she could :)

My life is like a rollercoaster right now. I cry a lot, I feel moody, weird, tangled up, troubled. I often ask myself where the boundary lies, where the turning point is, and whether will I ever be capable of saying 'it's too much, it's over'. For now, I cannot do that. I am physically and mentally not capable and not ready to change anything in my life. Even though I probably know that it would be for the best. I won't deny myself simple pleasures of existence. Sighs, deep breaths, reckless behaviour, falling in love. I just won't, because if I do, then what will be left of me? If you asked me if I was happy now, I would answer "I have never been happier in my whole life."

I wonder, how will I ever be able to differentiate losing myself (as in changing myself to the point where the old me is going, going and gone) from changing due to growing up? Both I fear, but one is inevitable, mostly because my bonds with people are getting tighter. And maybe I am changing for them, so it's a little bit easier to get along with me, so I don't get them disappointed or even furious. Deep down inside, I want someone to get to me, to really get to know me, in the most realistic and romantic way. I want for them to be able to say they know the real me, and I desire not feeling like I'm not enough. I feel shivers down my spine. Will that ever be true? I do not know. I doubt it, because that's my nature. I strongly despise the voice in my head that doubts stuff. But I cannot help it. My life has been like a dream ever since I finished high school. I have been caught up in the most unusual things. It's like there is a magnet between the extraordinary & I. I am no longer your regular girl next door, or maybe I still am, who knows what kind of secrets a regular girl next door keeps in her diary.

And oh my, Tudorcolor, I LOVE YOU.

back to june reception

Hello to part two of my wedding ramblings, see part one by clicking this link, it's going to be the last one. We were probably the first ones to leave the church and drive to the restaurant where the reception was held. Therefore I managed to capture the interiors before the crowd came. There were 119 invitees, over half of which I did not know. I ended up with no date, which can be regretted horribly, but thanks to my sister's friends I had a lot of fun, maybe even a little too much.

I really loved the way my sister arranged the interiors. I was proud of her choices, I must say. It was a long before the wedding, when she started browsing those wedding design sites, in search of people, designers, products, which would live up to her expectations. One of the included was E for Event with the beautiful M & P decoration.

...

I'm back home for the vacations. Huh, it's been a very long year. I am done with my summer practice, I am done with Bialystok for now. I am ready to be lying down all day and only welcoming doses of delicious food.  Maybe it's for good for us to have a little time off. Little thinking, yet not overthinking, is always refreshing. With my birthday just two days away, I don't plan any party. I am just constantly wondering how will I ever know that I am in fact an adult. Tomorrow will be the perfect time to get some drinks with my friends though. There won't be any posts for my 21st birthday (sadly), but I will post new photographs soon, so be prepared for at least one more post before my departure to Budapest.  I hope you will enjoy the pictures. Click on buttons below to follow my posts. I will speak to you soon!

Special thanks to Karolina for having me on her Blog of the month feature. T H A N K  Y O U! ♥