No place for beginners or sensitive hearts

The moment I realized that I started to listen to music that my parents used to listen to in our home was somehow significant. I would now spend my evenings listening to Sade & Simply Red, and it was as if I could feel my body getting old. I would dream of somebody holding me while those songs play in the background. I would beg the world to go back to how I was before I felt love, because feeling it for the first time was the feeling worth waiting for. Sometimes I feel so blessed that I have a future ahead of me. That there will be people who become my friends, there will be feelings, now I know that for sure. We're spinning, spinning madly on. We're made to repeat our mistakes, we're meant to live, bleed, get back on our feet. I see a proof for that in every day that I experience. I'm not sure why today I am in such an emotional mood to write such things. I don't feel the negativity, I only feel hope. 

let's talk about food.

It is still a mystery how I remain so terribly ashamed of taking pictures of food in bistros and cafes. I deeply love food, and food is often art - this is why I am still trying though. I succeed in being unseen almost always. This time though, as I was leaving, I was approached by someone from the staff, asking whether the pictures will be featured on some blog or something like that. That was such a great feeling. I wasn't treated like another young adult taking meaningless photographs of their lunch. I felt better than that. I somehow regretted not having a business card with me, because in my dreams I would always have one in a moment like that. Nope, I still don't have those. And maybe that is even better. Maybe I will grow up to printing them one day.

I don't do food reviews, because I am not qualified to do that. I often do write my opinion about it though. Take that super delicious pasta, for example, that somehow felt just so perfect for September, with mushrooms and fresh parsley. And technically all I end up saying is that you should totally visit this place. And I can recommend that one dish with my whole heart. On the other hand, A. was not amazed by the burger she ordered. It looked amazing, but the taste, she says, was only okay. Maybe I should really just act as if I knew what I was doing. Looking professional might make people feel intimidated and leave me alone to shoot some more.

brrr!

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We got a few days of lovely wintery weather, but then the snow melted and we are back to this pre-winter state, even though it's already so close to Christmas. I adore how film captures snowflakes. I can see the potential winter brings. Scholarship in, I can finally order some more film and set my eyes on new goals. I would love to take more portraits. Most people can't handle me focusing for too long, we have to work on that. :) Take care, loves!

Shadow passes, light remains.

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I fall little behind with everything as the winter is approaching this city and makes itself cosy. Snow makes me go lazy. Blue skies, white snow, bed and the happy hipster playlist. Waiting for the Christmas break to come, which will happen in 3 weeks. We've almost made it. I'm both motivated to exit my comfort zone and wanting to just lay back and watch life go by. Quite a weird combination. I'm meeting so many new people these days, I truly start to believe it could all be worth something. That perhaps uni years are what they call the time of my life. I'm in the middle of it, so maybe it's about time I found real joy in where I am.

the bistro curse.

You hate me, because sometimes I love trying new things. We had about 1,5 hr after our Neurology class, and I really really set my mind on visiting that new place in our city, a place we have never been before but often went by, wondering what it might serve us one day. I seriously fail at having breakfast nowadays. We start classes at 8am every day, which gives me about 3-4 hours of sleep. Damn, I am already losing at keeping the word I gave myself earlier this fall. So I don't focus on breakfasts too much. I am not sure whether you remember it or not, but earlier this year another bistro in our town really let me down. Is that a curse or something? I asked A to list things that we found wrong. "You watch all these tv programs, Kitchen Nightmares, Salon Takeover, and so on, and now you can critisize basically anything." A light smile appearing on your face. We're good - I think - and we're getting better at this.

Nienawidzisz mnie, bo czasami kocham spróbować czegoś nowego. Miałyśmy około półtorej godziny po zajęciach z neurologii, a ja tak bardzo nastawiłam się na odwiedzenie tego nowego bistro, gdzie jeszcze nie byłyśmy, ale przechodząc obok, zawsze zastanawiałyśmy się, co tam kiedyś zamówimy. Ostatnio nie udają mi się śniadania. Zaczynamy o ósmej, co daje mi około 3-4 godzin snu. Cholera, już łamię obietnicę daną sobie wcześniej tej jesieni. Tak więc nie skupiam się za bardzo na śniadaniach. Nie jestem pewna, czy pamiętacie, jak pisałam o innym bistro w naszym mieście, które tak strasznie mnie zawiodło. Wyczuwam klątwę. Poprosiłam A, żeby wymieniła mi rzeczy, które według niej były złe. "Oglądasz te wszystkie programy, Kuchenne Rewolucje, Ostre Cięcie, itd, teraz umiesz skrytykować właściwie wszystko." Lekki uśmiech pojawił Ci się na twarzy. Myślę sobie, "Jesteśmy dobre, jesteśmy w tym coraz lepsze."

little daily disappointments.

Kaffka Bistro has been around for over two months. we decided to visit at the end of August, giving it some time to grow and expand. By looking at the photographs of Kaffka, I got an impression that this is just the kind of a place I am going to love. White brick walls, Instagram snaps on little strings, big table, some work space, little birdy details. Sugar with white rose petals and lavender. Oh my. This is why this post is going to be filled with so much sorrow, because I really set my expectations high this time.

from B, with love.

This is the last post before my departure to Budapest. We are both scared and excited, as travelling always includes both of these emotions. We have arranged everything by ourselves and on Sunday every little detail of our trip, that we had planned, is supposed to "click". Hopefully it will :) Before Budapest I will make a one day stop in my beloved Bialystok to hold some hands and kiss some lips. Then I'm off to new adventures.

Bstok has loads of new places for us to explore: kaffka bistro & a nóż widelec bistro. That's what tiggers like best. Light cuisine and new inspirations.

Walking down the park is easily one of my favourite activities. I do it in winter, when I have to get to another class, I do it in spring for the same reason and also for leisure. More of my winter stories are featured in once upon a jan. Summer is beautiful and I don't want it gone too soon, but I caught myself wondering what it would be like to feel the snowflakes on my cheeks again. One is sure with B, winter will come and once it comes and makes itself cosy around us, it will try to get into our hearts and once again we will have to warm each other up to make it through. 

Tudorcolor XLX200 really suprised me this time. Sun did its job and lightened it up to some beautiful tones this time! I am finally through with my second black & white roll, which was Ilford FP4 125, it was actually the first time that I shot a film with iso that low, so I am curious how it's all going to look. I will show you some photographs once I'm back from B, and then there will be a couple of Budapest posts, like the essence (something like the essence of Prague last year). Of course if my films don't get fried with the X-ray.

Speak soon! 

Kasia

solo days and a happy mess.

May has come. May of all nighter's, May of working at about 120%.

May weekend was something I have really enjoyed. Yes, yes, I have. Even though at first we had some big plans of travelling together, in the end we did not leave my apartment for longer than a quick shopping spree and a brunch. Then I was left alone again, to experience what I call a perfect solo day. 

In about one month, my older sister is getting married. Scary. Will I ever grow to do the same? For now I still feel like a child, it feels alright to have some obligations, but in the end it's just me I take care of. Oh okay, apart from moments like last Wednesday, when I was found oddly useful. So yup, I'm capable of being there for another person. And I'm not as cold as I might seem to you all. 

In about one month, this blog is turning one year old. I'm still shooting, hooray. Though the reality is different, as well as my perception of life. I used to be the person who believed that everything goes right after the big kiss, but now it's all clear that life's a pile of good and bad things mixed together. And I honestly trust the idea that happiness ain't a continuous stream of love and freedom and balance. Happiness is about moments. Moments that gradually fill my happy jar of 2014. Life is also about bad stuff and quite often 'losing it' or having a tear falling down your face and absolutely no will or strength to hide it. It's about bad Wednesdays and fantastic Fridays.

A perfect solo day consists of.

Waking up with the whole bed for yourself, completely wrapped up in sheets.

Making your own breakfast exactly at the time you want it, and if you don't feel like doing breakfast, going for some breakfast outside. Or not having it all, yolo.

Doing some perfect housewife stuff, but not too much, since there is no one to judge you for your mess.

Reading a new book, with excitement in the air, and controversy on the pages.

Writing a new blog post, trying out whatever might work this time around.

Looking for cheap hostel deals and planning your perfect solo trip.

And at last, realising that you'd rather be awaken by someone leaving kisses on your forearm, be robbed of the sheets, make someone a breakfast of scrambled eggs, have them say you look gorgeous with no makeup, give up on your afternoon nap and watch a silly tv show together. Share your dinner, give multiple cider refills and have your favourite tea critisized. Have your hand squeezed lovingly.

It's great how we need the solo days to fully appreciate days when we have company (and conversely). Knowing that it's the balance that sets things right both with your bond with your person and yourself. Hugs and kisses, I'll talk to you soon! :)