going on a journey

Beginning of the year brings me much thought about life, choices and love. I would always say that I live for the little moments of happiness and true emotions running through my veins and causing shivers down my spine. It is so good not to be blinded by love. I feel like it is such a bliss to be able to look clearly at the people who are now in my life. Have you ever felt proud of the progress you've done? It's like being in a situation and being able to relate to it, knowing how your old self would react. And here I am today, with my grown up self behind my eyes, and I am no longer scared or weak. I am no longer needy and I don't have to settle for anything I am not sure of. And if I am not sure of something, maybe it's not entirely up to me to decide. What lasts lasts, what doesn't doesn't. Even if it lasts only for a minute, I want to hold onto that feeling for as long as it can be. And now the word entirely is stuck in my head, as I guess I have always liked how this one is pronounced. Weird thing. But that wasn't what I meant to talk about in this post... We were supposed to talk about my journey, so let's do it!

my short goodbye to 2015

Apart from the very big title I feel like I don't have that much to say about 2015. I was nothing close to what I had imagined myself to be this year and for that I am so sorry. I was supposed to write more, love sufficiently, be a great friend. Somehow I fell down from the pedestal and became a person who did none of the above. I'm sorry. I tried. I tried to make myself the best I could be. But once it started to pile up lying to myself and acting not the way I felt like I should, it became too much. I took a huge break from blogging. I had stuff to focus on. I've gone through a breakup that still leaves me hanging, to be quite honest. I have so much on my plate right now, but at times I forget about that and smile at life anyway. Well again, that's life, it happens, right? I want to give you one advice though. Don't ever imagine what you don't want to become, because life might give you just that. Maybe with slightly different appearance, finishing touches. But you might end up being so close to what you've disliked. Just don't give yourself that. Spare it, honestly. Now on the positive side...

Christmas illuminations of Warsaw

 

Merry Christmas everyone!!!
Every time I try to sit down and write something I can feel the way I am shutting down. Shrinking. Words just don't want to flow even though my life has been a change after change the last month. I decided to keep you out of it, because I was never sure what another day may bring. You might've followed my Instagram or Twitter but there I did not share much too. Now I am a free human being, making plans that might keep me going for the next months. I was always about plans and feelings. I have always made many stupid mistakes. Or putting it differently, I always made stupid decisions. They are not all mistakes I believe. I made myself a promise once - I want and I'll try to live my life to the fullest and trust my gut. It made me hurt sometimes to do so, was not easy to follow the rules I created for myself. But on the other hand, it brought me experience and memories to never ever let go of. It seems like a fair equation to me.

birdcages

eng  I'm trying to find my own rhythm of life. I started being myself again. I book hotels, I go to caffes and spend tons on coffee. I take my camera out sporadically. My thoughts travel ahead with some enormous speed, as I postpone my obligations further and further away from "now". I think I am definitely someone who lives in the future. Hoping and wishing and wanting more. I am a bit worried of any routine entering my life. It gives me warmth at night to be thinking of us, but I want my happy ending to be here already. No doubts or additional questions. My life is now basically like a never ending stream of books, dumplings and pasta dishes, new music as in Isbells (whose 'Elation' gives me this warm fuzzy feeling inside, please give it a listen) and eating apples, so I will as healthy as possible. Leaves have this amazing variety of colors right now, but I am still stuck with a black & white roll and I curse the fact of owning only one slr :( Being in such a huge art gallery was definitely a big experience. For the very first time I decided to buy a photographer pass, which made me feel suprisingly good. I could photograph freely, find the angles that worked for me and enjoy this place more than I normally would.

pl Staram się znaleźć swój własny rytm w tym wszystkim. Znowu jestem sobą. Zabookowuję hotele, wydaję dużo na kawę. Aparat wyjmuję dość sporadycznie. Moje myśli wybiegają w przód z ogromną prędkością, podczas gdy ja odkładam swoje obowiązki dalej i dalej od "teraz". Zdecydowanie żyję w przyszłości. Mając nadzieję i chcąc więcej. Trochę się martwię jakąkolwiek rutyną wchodzącą w moje życie. Myślenie o nas daje mi ciepło w nocy, ale już chcę szczęśliwego zakończenia. Bez wątpliwości czy dodatkowych pytań. Moje życie jest teraz jak niekończące się pasmo książek, pierogów i makaronowych dań, nowej muzyki np. Isbells (ich 'Elation' powoduje u mnie takie ciepłe uczucie w środku, proszę przesłuchajcie!) i jedzenia jabłek, aby być zdrową. Liście mają te cudowne kolory, a ja nadal mam czarno-białą rolkę w aparacie, przeklinam fakt posiadania tylko jednego aparatu :( Bycie w takiej wielkiej galerii było zdecydowanie dużym przeżyciem. Pierwszy raz zdecydowałam się kupić przepustkę dla fotografów, która, co ciekawe, sprawiła, że czułam się dobrze. Mogłam fotografować, co chciałam, kombinować z kadrami i po prostu czerpać więcej przyjemności z tej wizyty.

Danube, opera and house of terror.

 

The Banks of Danube hold one of the most beautiful memorial sights we have seen in Budapest. It honors the Jews who were killed by fascist Arrow Cross militiamen in Budapest during World War II. They were ordered to take off their shoes, and were shot at the edge of the water so that their bodies fell into the river and were carried away. It represents their shoes left behind on the bank. Look, contemplate, photograph.

Ferrania Solaris 200

Opera and its surroundings is a beautiful spot both at night and during the day. On one of the mornings we took a stroll down the Hajos street, crossing streets of Lazar, Ó and Zichy. Budapest is excellent for little strolls in the sun, admiring the architecture and deciding where to eat.

Fuji Superia 400

 

House of Terror, located at Andrassy street is a well developed memorial for crimes of both Nazi and Communist parties during World War II. It's situated in the walls of a huge building which was the headquarters of both aforementioned organizations. In the cellar the killings were executed. Touching piece of history, a must see. I would recommend getting an audio-guide in English, because we did not, and unfortunately most of the exhibition was in Hungarian.

You know how they always show you the pictures of the victims. One of the last rooms included the photographs of the killers. Astonishingly dreadful experience to be looking into the eyes of murderers and their proteges.

Fuji Pro 400H & Fuji Superia 400 

Liberty Square.

Fuji Superia 200

delicious times in Budapest.

Every time I am travelling, my love for Italian cuisine blossoms. Maybe it is because some pasta is always a safe choice, therefore perhaps I am boring like that. I am so happy that we managed to get away for a little dinner on our first day. "Most" bistro was an accidental found, and only after our return to Poland we actually realized that this place is pretty popular in Budapest. Three course meal for a pretty fair price and the most delicious gazpacho ever. Now I am pretty motivated to finally do a proper gazpacho by myself. Maybe the other meals were nothing too fancy, but I found the amount of food to be perfectly measured to meet my needs at that point. Ferrania Solaris really suprised me and produced some cool, warm colored tones. Too bad I don't seem to be able to find it anywhere online :(
 

We of course made a stop at Starbucks and had a big frappe with whipped cream topping, totally and overwhelmingly sweet. We made stops for coffees and drinks, finding some unique places where the service level varied from nice to awful.

Ferrania Solaris 200

Fuji Pro 400H expired

Another stop that deserved a couple of photographs was Gelateria Lavanda close to St Stephen's basilica. As we visited it on the first day, I was still in the "let's save as much as I can, so I do not end up starving" mode which always leaves me with 50% of my money on the last day of the trip, so my order included only a nice freezing cold coffee.

Fuji Superia 200

And of course, I couldn't forget about our little breakfast at Muvesz, with coffee, orange juice and omelettes with bacon and cheese. Sorry for totally blurring those pictures :)

Fuji Pro 400H

the essence of Budapest

First of all, three days in Budapest are not sufficient, and this is what we all felt when we had to depart. I'd say our pace was pretty fair, spending about 12 hours exploring the city each day, yet we did not manage to see everything we were supposed to. It was all about choosing what we wanted to see the most.