reality of being twenty+

- t h e  b i r t h d a y  g i r l -

I know I had told you there would be no post for my twenty first birthday, but I had not predicted a new roll would be finished by me around that time. I thought I wouldn't have a cake, no party whatsoever, nothing to show you, my friends. My sister surprised me with a delicious cake with raspberries, wild strawberries (my favourite!) and blueberries, which was bought, not made, but she picked certainly the best she could :)

My life is like a rollercoaster right now. I cry a lot, I feel moody, weird, tangled up, troubled. I often ask myself where the boundary lies, where the turning point is, and whether will I ever be capable of saying 'it's too much, it's over'. For now, I cannot do that. I am physically and mentally not capable and not ready to change anything in my life. Even though I probably know that it would be for the best. I won't deny myself simple pleasures of existence. Sighs, deep breaths, reckless behaviour, falling in love. I just won't, because if I do, then what will be left of me? If you asked me if I was happy now, I would answer "I have never been happier in my whole life."

I wonder, how will I ever be able to differentiate losing myself (as in changing myself to the point where the old me is going, going and gone) from changing due to growing up? Both I fear, but one is inevitable, mostly because my bonds with people are getting tighter. And maybe I am changing for them, so it's a little bit easier to get along with me, so I don't get them disappointed or even furious. Deep down inside, I want someone to get to me, to really get to know me, in the most realistic and romantic way. I want for them to be able to say they know the real me, and I desire not feeling like I'm not enough. I feel shivers down my spine. Will that ever be true? I do not know. I doubt it, because that's my nature. I strongly despise the voice in my head that doubts stuff. But I cannot help it. My life has been like a dream ever since I finished high school. I have been caught up in the most unusual things. It's like there is a magnet between the extraordinary & I. I am no longer your regular girl next door, or maybe I still am, who knows what kind of secrets a regular girl next door keeps in her diary.

And oh my, Tudorcolor, I LOVE YOU.

back to june reception

Hello to part two of my wedding ramblings, see part one by clicking this link, it's going to be the last one. We were probably the first ones to leave the church and drive to the restaurant where the reception was held. Therefore I managed to capture the interiors before the crowd came. There were 119 invitees, over half of which I did not know. I ended up with no date, which can be regretted horribly, but thanks to my sister's friends I had a lot of fun, maybe even a little too much.

I really loved the way my sister arranged the interiors. I was proud of her choices, I must say. It was a long before the wedding, when she started browsing those wedding design sites, in search of people, designers, products, which would live up to her expectations. One of the included was E for Event with the beautiful M & P decoration.

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I'm back home for the vacations. Huh, it's been a very long year. I am done with my summer practice, I am done with Bialystok for now. I am ready to be lying down all day and only welcoming doses of delicious food.  Maybe it's for good for us to have a little time off. Little thinking, yet not overthinking, is always refreshing. With my birthday just two days away, I don't plan any party. I am just constantly wondering how will I ever know that I am in fact an adult. Tomorrow will be the perfect time to get some drinks with my friends though. There won't be any posts for my 21st birthday (sadly), but I will post new photographs soon, so be prepared for at least one more post before my departure to Budapest.  I hope you will enjoy the pictures. Click on buttons below to follow my posts. I will speak to you soon!

Special thanks to Karolina for having me on her Blog of the month feature. T H A N K  Y O U! ♥

umami tales

Umami /uːˈmɑːmi/, a savory taste, is one of the five basic tastes (together with sweet, sour, bitter and salty).

A loanword from the Japanese (うま味?), umami can be translated as "pleasant savory taste". This particular writing was chosen by Professor Kikunae Ikeda from umai (うまい) "delicious" and mi (味) "taste". The kanji 旨味 are used for a more general sense of a food as delicious.

Not being anything close to a cook, I have always looked at Katie's Randomly Delicious series and considered it a great idea. We often eat in the city, which is pricey and probably not the best idea, yet I just love doing so. My menu often includes sushi, in all forms, lots of pasta, desserts at Bella Vita and good old pizza. Generally, I am a lover of Italian and Japanese cuisine. Quite a mix, but I wouldn't trade them for anything else. On the other hand I love anything that goes with coffee, therefore lunches, brunches and regular breakfasts.

I rarely prepare something at home, but little sandwiches with salmon, arugula and cream cheese quickly became my favourite, after I tried them in one of those local lunch type coffee houses. Everything might be going in the right direction though because yesterday I found a cooking pal in my friend P, with whom we made our first meat patties. And this is how we're going to make it through the next three years. I would love to be cooking with my A, but we are never in the kitchen at the same time, so that might pose an issue :)

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Student life makes you quite familiar with toast bread. Actually, after two years it becomes your best friend. And I more than adore when I get served pancakes with some maple syrup. It's more than delicious and extremely sweet.

a cafe back home

There is a coffeehouse back home, that I have began to love during the last year. It is a peaceful spot in the middle of my hometown's old town. So either it's a family noon coffee and cake or a meet up with friends, I am always secretly wanting to pick SiSi. Their interior is fabulously designed, with each detail worth capturing. It is also not too big, but pretty cosy. Two weeks ago, I made a brief trip back home to meet family and friends. Studying away from each other makes it tough for the friendships to stay alive, that's for sure. And it makes you extremely homesick when there is no one by your side. One more week of summer practice in a hospital and after my 21st birthday I am coming back home for two weeks before the Budapest trip. It will be only about 10 days, but after that it's going to be 1,5 months. That scares me. Very, very much. The world is dissolving all around me. Once again, time running through my fingers. I can save a moment by taking pictures, but life goes on. 

A couple of truths before a new week begins.

• I miss you, I miss your smile and the little kisses you leave on my body. I miss your smell, your breath, the purring, the tenderness. 
• I enjoy running this blog very much, probably more than a dentistry student should love analog photography and sharing her ramblings. 
• I am so excited to be flying by plane again. I have done it only a few times, which is probably embarrassing to share, since I am turning 21, but whatever. 
• I dream of travelling to places. And I believe I could make living in Canada or Australia my lifetime goal.

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K o d a k  G o l d  2 0 0

succulent love.

A couple of days ago I had some fun with my makro rings and my newly bought succulents. Okay, I gave in, Sara, Katie and Evelyn (and many other, actually) made me fall in love with those little plants. I have not named my three yet and I have not bought any cute flowerpots for them. It is still in works. Apparently there is a lot of succulents out there and I am still not sure what mine are. Do you have any favourites? Any tips of handling them? :)

I had bought the makro rings awhile ago, so I can postpone the moment of buying another lens in the near future and I have to say they work like magic! It totally changes the experience and their price was practically nothing, so I really recommend them to you. My new Ferrania Solaris roll just came (I am shamelessly keeping it for Budapest though). It is just one roll though, and it took me awhile to even found it online. Do you know where one can get Ferrania films? (Especially fresh ones, not expired?)  I am on a hunt for new analog experience. By the way, has any of you been to Budapest before? Can you recommend us anything to see there? :) By the way, if you'd like your blog to appear on Dipped in Rococo, there is something you can check out in the sidebar.

I only have two weeks left in this city. Days go by and I get a little sadder with each day. It is hard to go on, seeing lives of hospitalized people, especially people who are so nice to you, and you see them with their families. And with how sad I am right now it's really tough for me to focus on any other topic. So please excuse me for that short little post. I just wanted you to see the pictures. 

brand new space

On one of hot July afternoons I visited my sis in her new flat, where she and her hubby moved in right after their June wedding. She served me delicious frappe and we spent some quality time on her couch, checking the wine etiquetes she got for the wedding and talking about how our lives have been lately.

I picked a Pull and Bear dress because of how hot it was outside and styled my hair in something braid-like. But don't laugh just yet, it was just a fancy way to make sure my long hair doesn't make the heat any worse. With Tudorcolor inside of my Praktica, I took a few snaps of what her living room looks like. It is so cool that she managed to get all these details that she had always wanted and we had always talked about. enjoy :)

Summer has started for good and temperatures are insane. I recently caught myself welcoming my school year habits back into my life. Never had I thought that I would be on energy drinks during the summer. This morning it was inevitable though. I had to get up at 5.45am, because my summer practice has began. It's a M.D. practice on a hematology ward, so far away from my dentistry stuff. I must say it's not very tough and if it wasn't for the early hours, I'd say it's a good experience. We have met some very talkative patients today, so the hours have just passed by so quickly. I have to say I am really enjoying my vacay so far. We're having desserts and cold beer way more often than during the academic year. We are having sleepovers way more often, which I absolutely adore, even if I hate being tickled by you, you monster.

Big news, on August 10th we are going to beautiful Budapest for a couple of days, and this time we are going by a plane. Saves time and actually, money, in that case. I have began stocking up for that trip, but I am still undecided what films to take. By the way, have you ever had problems with your films when going through customs? Is it true that if the film is below 1600iso, it's safe? I'd hate if all of my photographs were fried with that scanning machine they have there. Lots of you travel a lot, thought I'd ask :)

It's so abstract to ever leave this city. The parting time is coming though, but it just feels insane, because I won't last a week without you.

Speak soon! :)

Seriously, people just cannot photograph me in focus.