another story I can’t tell anymore

Wednesday, 10 July 2013

Happy July 10th, everyone! The day that, a year ago, I decided to fuck up my morals completely and entirely. 

I overthink stuff. Why? Because I have too much time on my hands. Recently I started to really question my social skills, as in making friends but mostly - keeping the friendships alive. I am undoubtedly awful at this. Somehow every closer relationship I had in the past turned to colloquial - "shit". I began wondering why that might be. No clear answer to that. Excluding all the outer factors, like people literally dumping me or something comparable, it's always been me. Me, refusing to take up calls, Me, not writing back. Me, claiming I feel beleaguered. At some point, I just...get bored, and it's easier to just call it quits than to try to make it work.

I wish I was firmly anchored in present-day life, but I'm not. It's so easy to just forget yourself, dwell upon the past or hopelessly dream about the future. I've read somewhere that it's more important to click with people than to click the shutter. (Now that I google'd it, Eisenstaedt said it.) But frankly, I do not care about clicking with people anymore. It's funny how everything comes back, even after just a glimpse. Even after a year. Not always in the melancholic manner, more of a "Look, you were here some time ago, now you're here again and you're completely different."

Yes, I finally watched Bridget Jones' Diary. Yes, I got drunk while doing so. Bridget fucking Jones. Walking awkward perfection. I don't know how I went through life not knowing exactly what this movie is about. Hugh Grant must be the only blue-eyed guy I fancy. But I would still go for Darcy. Oh Colin. Old habits die hard I guess. I am indeed tired of going for the same type all of the time. Sometimes it feels practically like going for the same guy over and over again and yet making the same bloody mistakes. In 19 days I'm going to turn 20. It's about time I sort out my priorities.

"I don't think you're an idiot at all. I mean, there are elements of the ridiculous about you. Your mother's pretty interesting. And you really are an appallingly bad public speaker. And, um, you tend to let whatever's in your head come out of your mouth without much consideration of the consequences... But the thing is, um, what I'm trying to say, very inarticulately, is that, um, in fact, perhaps despite appearances, I like you, very much. Just as you are."

Resolution #1: will find a nice sensible boyfriend and stop forming romantic attachments to any of the following: alcoholics, workaholics, sexaholics, commitment-phobics, peeping toms, megalomaniacs, emotional fuckwits, or perverts.

view on the old town hall from below the arcades next to my old workplace.

I just love it when I find myself strolling the streets and just taking pictures. Sometimes, out of pure, senseless ignorance, I find myself hating that place. The other times, I just stop and stare at how beautiful everything is. Art is all about contradictions and polar opposites, I think. When it comes to photographing the city in the sun, Lomography 400 is my fave! I actually bought 800 this time, I'm going to try it out in Gdansk this weekend since I'm taking some time off to chill out and party my brains out.

I talked to my best friend about it, we agreed that ever since we came back here for vacay, we realized the place itself changed. Maybe it's the fact that everyone was away at the Opener Festival and you could walk down the main street not meeting anyone you know but the city felt emptied, felt like it wasn't ours anymore. 

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© Dipped in Rococo ~ lifestyle in analog Maira Gall.