No place for beginners or sensitive hearts

Friday, 22 January 2016

The moment I realized that I started to listen to music that my parents used to listen to in our home was somehow significant. I would now spend my evenings listening to Sade & Simply Red, and it was as if I could feel my body getting old. I would dream of somebody holding me while those songs play in the background. I would beg the world to go back to how I was before I felt love, because feeling it for the first time was the feeling worth waiting for. Sometimes I feel so blessed that I have a future ahead of me. That there will be people who become my friends, there will be feelings, now I know that for sure. We're spinning, spinning madly on. We're made to repeat our mistakes, we're meant to live, bleed, get back on our feet. I see a proof for that in every day that I experience. I'm not sure why today I am in such an emotional mood to write such things. I don't feel the negativity, I only feel hope. 

I might have even started to feel like I am on a right path in my life. As if I can make it all work out eventually. I wouldn't be able to count how many times I wanted to give it all up and felt powerless that I couldn't. That people had high hopes and expectations. That eventually I would't be happy. Now I realize that there's no way for me to predict all those things. I go forward, day to day, doing my best, just like I always did. And maybe for now, this is enough.

I am almost done with the semester! Yay. It wasn't that hard on me, but if you follow that general rule that the less you need to study, the more lazy you become, then laziness really kept me fighting with myself the last couple of weeks. Funny thing, there is still this piece of me who wishes to be like Violet Baudelaire. I close my eyes, I gather my hair into a ponytail (no ribbon included, sadly), and feel my mind open up in this incredible way. This way I can do anything, I think.

I still need to force myself into approaching other people to shoot with me. I don't exactly know why so. Am I so shy? Embarrassed? If so, of what? Maybe it's just so hard to open up in front of other people. And while shooting portraits feels so appealing, photography is still a part of my life which is very 'mine' and not for anyone else to see. Maybe I don't have so many friends around here. Anyway, it's another step that I have to take in the future. Opening up will benefit this blog and my photography experience. Also, my Instagram is now more photo hungry than ever! I'm finally over 3400 followers, woho! 


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© Dipped in Rococo ~ lifestyle in analog Maira Gall.