amor fati
There are things that linger on. Someone's smell, hair under a pillowcase, temporary numbness surrounding your mind, leaving it sheltered, and questions, a lot of questions. (One could quote Meredith Grey and say We're adults. When did that happen? And how do we make it stop?) Or rather, can we make it work and count? Jumping through subsequent stages of intimacy, I think I love 2014. As much as I tried to avoid making a happy jar for 2014, after Gdansk last week, the peril and fear of having it completely empty for now, disappeared completely. I think my reality is lovely right now. Nothing's ever perfect though, and nothing lasts forever. Knowing that, I appreciate your existence and its touch upon my days. This is the most that I am capable of feeling at this point. The higher my mountains are, the deeper my valleys will seem. I'm afraid of tomorrow and how inevitable the end is, but all I can do is find joy in the little moments that the currents bring my way. I have doubts though, I have never been that close with someone and I am not sure if I can pull this off. It's terrifying, really. So the last thing I want to do right now is overthink it all. Some things has been altered. Some will never be the same again. How come I can't seem to find the right words? All that I wanted was a little touch, a little tenderness and truth. Sure, Laci was right, debuts change nothing. Personalities clash, reality happens, time slows down then speeds up irrationally. Waiting for the right moment to push things forward was definitely one of my wisest decisions. Now I'm here and this is me. Bare and heedless.
Second roll shot with my new Fisheye, which, according to my girls, is not exactly a real camera. We spent our Friday being class acts, drinking pink California wine and smoking cherry flavored tobacco. Winter and I finally reunited, to the point where I want to grab my Praktica, with a black & white film inside (definitely not for funeral purposes, damn you), go out for a walk and shoot. Uni is being demanding, but classes finish one by one, leaving me to decide what to do with my free time. I know exactly what I would love to do, yet I need to remain sage and believe that my textbook should still stay on as my best friend. We are young, we should live to the fullest. One day we will, perhaps.
Back to top
skarpety rządzą!
ReplyDeleteI want a fish eye! Worth the investment?
ReplyDeleteThese photos are so cool, I need to invest more in film.
ReplyDeleteThat's exactly what you should do. In fact, it's an accustomed cycle we all go through. Take the moment in your hands, relish it and try not to be sad when you have to let go. Life works that way; it's a pretty stupid concept I reckon, but hey, it teaches us to be resilient.
ReplyDeleteThings can change no matter what, and I hate this so much - as we hate everything we can't handle. But eventually we have to adapt ourselves and starting appreciating what life has in store for us. If life gives you lemon, make a lemonade, right?
ReplyDeleteJust have to appreciate the good things in life - it's too short to focus on the short comings.
ReplyDelete:) count your blessings and when in the deepness of the valley's end open that jar to remember the only way is up up!
ReplyDelete