in every direction

Yes, I have been missing in action. I'm still in the game though, and dealing with prospects of finishing year two. Those days,, I feel incredibly human. I dream of sleep and what it may bring, and how joyful the trip back to reality will be. I'm always looking for ways to get closer, the embrace - tighter. And I make more mistakes than I could bear, but I am too focused to let it go. I'm not letting anything go. And I wish you couldn't let go of me too. I think where I had always wanted to be, was underneath somebody's skin. 

I think no human being had made me this happy in my life before. You know this feeling when you belong. Not only in this one moment, a place or dimension. You belong to this very person you're holding. And you realize your fate is both fortunate and tragic, since unhappiness will find you one day. It will find you, and it will claim you. It's the kind of thing you get when you're not looking.

I am so so sorry for not writing for so long. I had to focus on university and get down to work at last, passing everything so far. I am two tests, three exams away from vacation and being (not yet officially) a student of year three of dentistry. Great to see that so far I am holding on, not backing down. Year three sounds so advance, three out of five gives me shivers. It's supposedly the best time of my life now, yet all I can think about is how to cope and how to move forward with my education. This academic year, I have been up & around, trying to evolve, both personally and in the terms of education/career. I need to admit it was hard to deal with these two at the very same time, and I needed to do some planning and time schedule switches to achieve the balance I have at this point. I'm still me, but I honestly think I know life just a little more now.

We made a spontaneous decision of going to Warsaw to cherish some classical music in one of my favourite places in the city - Łazienki, the park-and-palace complex. We got to be there during some beautiful weather, and we even got sun-burnt a little bit. Imagine yourself in the middle of the park, listening to Chopin and letting yourself relax and knowing that your biggest worry for now, is whether you're going to get that photo of a squirrel or not.

It was a great opportunity to take some photographs, so I did, and here are some results. :) Thank you A & P for amazing company!

solo days and a happy mess.

May has come. May of all nighter's, May of working at about 120%.

May weekend was something I have really enjoyed. Yes, yes, I have. Even though at first we had some big plans of travelling together, in the end we did not leave my apartment for longer than a quick shopping spree and a brunch. Then I was left alone again, to experience what I call a perfect solo day. 

In about one month, my older sister is getting married. Scary. Will I ever grow to do the same? For now I still feel like a child, it feels alright to have some obligations, but in the end it's just me I take care of. Oh okay, apart from moments like last Wednesday, when I was found oddly useful. So yup, I'm capable of being there for another person. And I'm not as cold as I might seem to you all. 

In about one month, this blog is turning one year old. I'm still shooting, hooray. Though the reality is different, as well as my perception of life. I used to be the person who believed that everything goes right after the big kiss, but now it's all clear that life's a pile of good and bad things mixed together. And I honestly trust the idea that happiness ain't a continuous stream of love and freedom and balance. Happiness is about moments. Moments that gradually fill my happy jar of 2014. Life is also about bad stuff and quite often 'losing it' or having a tear falling down your face and absolutely no will or strength to hide it. It's about bad Wednesdays and fantastic Fridays.

A perfect solo day consists of.

Waking up with the whole bed for yourself, completely wrapped up in sheets.

Making your own breakfast exactly at the time you want it, and if you don't feel like doing breakfast, going for some breakfast outside. Or not having it all, yolo.

Doing some perfect housewife stuff, but not too much, since there is no one to judge you for your mess.

Reading a new book, with excitement in the air, and controversy on the pages.

Writing a new blog post, trying out whatever might work this time around.

Looking for cheap hostel deals and planning your perfect solo trip.

And at last, realising that you'd rather be awaken by someone leaving kisses on your forearm, be robbed of the sheets, make someone a breakfast of scrambled eggs, have them say you look gorgeous with no makeup, give up on your afternoon nap and watch a silly tv show together. Share your dinner, give multiple cider refills and have your favourite tea critisized. Have your hand squeezed lovingly.

It's great how we need the solo days to fully appreciate days when we have company (and conversely). Knowing that it's the balance that sets things right both with your bond with your person and yourself. Hugs and kisses, I'll talk to you soon! :)