helios 28mm

I genuinely thought you were my way to equanimity, when in fact you're my way down. All the way down to places I have been before and always wished I would not come back. But I'm here again, and I'm freezing. It feels like being pushed into an air-hole on a lake in the middle of the winter of the century. Maybe you're the winter of the century, and I should have known that earlier, before I stepped outside completely bare. Yes, I have definitely been there before. Felt the guilt, the tiredness, lack of hope.  There's this lump in my throat, which I feel like I could swallow back down, but it keeps appearing and it keeps killing me from the inside, just as I try to keep the tears in. Over the years I have learnt to cry silently. My most sincere tears are tears cried in complete silence.

As a kid, I would count backwards from ten and imagine at one, there would be an explosion– perhaps caused by a rogue planet crashing into Earth or some other major catastrophe. When nothing happened, I'd feel relieved and at the same time, a little disappointed.

I think of you at ten, the first time I saw you. Your smile at nine and how it lit up something inside me I had thought long dead. Your lips at eight pressed against mine and at seven, your warm breath in my ear and your hands everywhere. You tell me you love me at six and at five we have our first real fight. At four we have our second and three, our third. At two you tell me you can't go on any longer and then at one, you ask me to stay.

And I am relieved, so relieved–and a little disappointed. 
 

But on the other hand, I've got a new lens. So there's at least this tiny piece of good information that I carry. After a long time of whining, searching and mourning high prices of lomo equipment, I finally found something to add to my collection. Since I could not be happier with my Praktica, which was cheap, but most of all - reliable, instead of changing the camera, I reached out to get myself a new lens. I have been using the 58mm Helios 44-2 since last summer, when it totally stole my little heart with its precious bokeh. Having found a 28mm Helios lens with a price that was not mindblowing, I decided to buy it and take it for a spin! What lens are you looking forward to adding to your collection? For now I am stuck with the M42 mount, so let there be light for me and my new Helios lens. Cannot wait to start shooting! And since right now I feel like buying a one way ticked to Guatemala and never coming back, looks like the adventure's about to begin. Or end. Or whatever.

You can stack misery, you can pack despair, you can even wear your sorrow – but come tomorrow you must change your clothes. Everyone knows pain. We are not meant to carry it forever.