this world-with-a-question-mark.

A little bit of early Saturday laziness is all I can afford right now. Rolling under Ikea duvet, sipping coffee, enjoying my fresh restocked film supplies and mischievously planning my next move in the game called year two.

At this point in my life, I'm pretty sure that in the past few months I had to go through a boundary between this and another reality. Something like Murakami's 1Q84. Or I'm in Wonderland. Maybe I'm Alice, on the other side of the mirror. If only I would have ever finished reading any of these books, maybe now I'd know what to expect. It's unique to see that you think I have everything figured out. I'm not even close! If you're going through hell, keep going. That's what they say. It's hard to come up with a more clever solution. Keep your eyes on the goal, too. It's Friday as I'm writing that post. I feel my brain is semi fried after this week, eyelids heavier than they should be, even if it's 2am. Maybe if I'm in this alternative universe, maybe, just maybe, I can be another person too?

Nothing is happening nowadays, I just keep fighting off the nonsense, which every day brings about. It's such a curious case. Suddenly, people who don't know me, think that I am, in fact, cool. All the attendants at uni refuse to cooperate. And one thing, which is actually the most odd of them all, suddenly, knowing me has become an actual pick up line. Wow, as if I was that solid point of reference that you're a decent person. Don't even make me explain, it's totally weird. Welcome to the inner workings of my world though. Enjoy the ride while it lasts.

Ugh, how much I hate you for wearing all that plaid. Don't you have anything else to wear?

“I'm afraid I can't explain myself, sir.

Because  I  a m  n o t  m y s e l f, you see?

triangles are my favorite shape ♫

flea market by Vltava

Hello dragsters! (obviously missing Felix too much) With my Sunday hectic and not fun at all, I felt like I needed a break from the apathy physiology had put me in. I know I promised you a break from Prague, and I promise that I have a bunch of new photographs coming that don't include it, but at the same time, I'd hate myself for not showing you these! (New stuff is probably coming after my trip back home in two weeks, since this place is killing me in terms of film developing!)

As you already know, Prague was absolutely fantastic. On our last day, we stumbled upon a flea market organised by Vltava. Too bad I chickened out and did not buy any of the vintage cameras that were for sale there.(Just couldn't put my finger on whether they worked or not, sadly) All in all, it was a lovely experience, because the place was extremely lively and full of people. I somehow regret not taking more pictures, but because of the enormous crowd, I couldn't just stand still and focus my lens forever. I'm still happy with what I am showing you. It felt like heaven! Some people were even selling doll body parts, how crazy is that? So the vintage side of Prague got under my skin, I am so glad we got a chance to be around this place on time. The weather was perfect, the views - fantastic and I can finally cross "visit flea market" off my bucket list. Same with "try macaroons". Even though the lavandin ones tasted a little bit too soapy, as for my taste. Hugs and kisses!

bloglovin

the past and pending

I feel brand new. Everything seems different, somehow altered. The gates to the past cannot be approached or even thought about. Approached, smiled at, noticed. How exactly is everything going to work out right now? I breathe in and just exist. I respond, but not react.

You probably know HONY, launched by Brandon Stanton (a crush of mine, definitely), who is photographing people of New York, including captions below their pictures, giving the readers a little insight into the minds of those people. It's always either an advice, saddest or happiest experience or state that the person is in. I'd say you can learn a lot. If you can't go out yourself, can't talk to those people and try to absorb something from their life experience, well, there's Brandon and Humans of New York. If you hadn't heard of it before, or you had, but did not eventually check it out, I strongly encourage you to do it. 

"It is important to maintain your equanimity. You cannot let yourself get too 'up' or too 'down' based on your circumstances." "Too 'down' I understand. But why not too 'up?'" "Because the higher your mountains are, the deeper your valleys will seem. You should not react to the world. You should respond, but not react. A response is an action based on logic. A reaction is an emotional state. Your reaction will not change the world. Your reaction only changes you. Your response will change the world."

That's one of my favourite quotes at this point in life. Be (act) logical, not too emotional. Along with all the Sputnik Sweetheart quotations, of my beloved Murakami, it basically gives me motivation to get up from my long hot bath in the morning. Life's an adventure. I'm excited to see where it's going to lead me this year. Even if that journey is going to be much more demanding than the first year was. Hugs and kisses, K.

(Pictures come from a little "into the wild" moment I had with my fam right before moving back to Białystok. On the other hand, I'm more than happy to possibly shoot again in the woods this forthcoming weekend.)

we shall never forget.

You just can't erase such views from your head after you've seen them. You just can't. 

Almost a month since our little Czech adventure. Days pass, but beautiful autumn weather lingers on. I keep wondering how much more beautiful Prague must be during this time of the year. For me, autumn is more of a stagnation period. I'm trying to fit in again, be social, but not neglect uni stuff. With the road to hell being paved with good intentions, I think I may have tried too hard. Wish there was something to keep me busy other than books. Someone who'd drink to my failures with me. For now, I'm here, listening to psychology lectures, with that inner troubling feeling, like I might need my own diagnose. But I guess this is all on Autumn and the fact that I'm incapable of getting my Pumpkin Spice Latte fix.

see you soon.

You have no idea how much joy gave me developing two new rolls. If I ever looked for something relaxing and enjoyable like that, then I might've just found it. Those two rolls will be a perfect fit for my October posts, so I (and you as well) can take a break from spamming you with Prague all of the time.

First week flew by really fast. It was filled with mulled wine, ice-skating and saying hello (or not saying hello) to people of my year. If that's how autumn could look like to me this year, I certainly would not mind. Reality set in though. And just like that, we're back where we started.

This post was originally about goodbyes. Goodbyes I said to my girls when the summer ended, goodbyes in general. Goodbyes suck. They are not what I should be dwelling upon. Let's just pretend all goodbyes are just "see you soon's". 

For this year's 'see you soon' we picked Si Si, brand new coffee house in our town. What a lovely and refreshing place to visit! My city is changing, finally, after all those years. Since I was giving up on coffee, letting my magnesium level go slightly up before the uni stars, I drank mango tea (in fact we both did).

Soon after that, I had a chance to meet and chat with D, who has been a big supporter of this blog since she only found out about it. I couldn't be more thankful. She told me loads about her uni in York, internship in London and voluntary work in Peru, inspiring me not to give up on my dreams of living abroad. She's one of the wisest, most positive and motivated people I have ever encountered. Thank you for reaching out to me, D. Good luck with your final year. I believe in you and trust that the universe will bring about only the best experiences for you! Looking forward to our flea market trips and Diagon Alley walks one day! Hugs and kisses ♥

And for those who decided to scroll down a little bit, a picture of me, with hair the desperately needs an intervention! :)