hello back!

Lately I do feel this weird blockade that I cannot find my way to pass while expressing my feelings. Actually, recently, I don't have power or will to express myself at all. This is why I didn't write much, because every time that I tried, was a failure. Maybe the crisis that I am facing it's happening because I feel like adulthood is just around the corner? And I am nowhere near settled. I focused more on my businesses, marketing my photography work. And it paid off :) Maybe it's just like any other morning, that caffeine will make me go eventually. And the mood swings, they will go away too. Of course I have so many photos to show you. Maybe I wasn't shooting too often, but since I've been gone, I completed a couple of rolls. Switched back to my beloved Helios lens. Hello again, bokeh times!

Visiting Mocak - Modern art gallery in Krakow

While in Cracow, we visited a bunch of galleries, because most of the usual exhibitions are now available at a reduced price for students, what a cool perk! Modern Art Gallery called MOCAK is the first one that I will be talking about and sharing some photos.

What caught my eye immediately after we left our coats in the cloakroom were the exhibits that we could see in the main corridor of the gallery, before even entering the exhibition part of the building. Guess it is all one big piece of art. There were vending machines standing in the hall, each of them in different color, filled with canned drinks of some kind. As I came closer, it struck me that it was indeed an art piece "Satisfaction Guaranteed" by Joanna Rajkowska, a provocative work involving vending machines with elements of her body for symbolic consumption.Each drink type was something unusual. Representing a human need, things somehow so appealing, yet sadly not achievable by some liquid in a can. That was a very cool project in my opinion. "melon flavored drink with an extract from the retina, strenghtening the vision. edition limited to 500 cans."

wroclaw called wroclove (the essence)

I came back from the overheated south of Poland a few days ago. The whole country is burning up, making me think that bus drivers that don't activate the air conditioning are murderers. It's tough to live in such heat. Wroclaw was particularly hot with its 39 degrees of Celcius in shade. I put up with it, just like I would so during some exotic vacations in Africa. This is my time, I thought. I don't sunbath like ever, knowing that sunburnt skin is unhealthy skin, ageing faster, and just generally nothing I should be proud of. In Wroclaw I let the sun kiss me slightly. 

Those few days south made me feel alive again. We were eating in restaurants, as my appetite was huge. So weird during such hot days, I have to admit. We walked the streets, a bottle of water in one hand, the city guide in another, my eyes covered with cheap sunglasses, that are probably ruining my eyesight. Each day was fun and unique. It's hard to tell you just one thing that I loved in Wroclaw. It's a beautiful city, and I was really in love with what I saw. One of the main attractions that did not require tickets, but did indeed make us walk further and further each day, was searching for the dwarves (the city special). We spotted about fifty of those (out of about two hundred, oh my), mostly because at times I felt like just walking and looking for them was not worthy of the time in this city. We had so much other stuff to see. Museums, parks, bridges, little islands. I think we made the best of our stay. I want to show you some of my memories in photographs. I hope you will enjoy them. Please, tell me what you would like to know. Do you want to see more dwarves? Should I do top 10 places to visit while in Wroclaw? I'm open to suggestions and I cannot wait to tell you more about my trip! 

first time with kodak portra

Looks like I might have caught a cold from my cold,  f r e e z i n g  heart. No matter how silly it sounds, it might just be the case. Or it's just the mix of hormones in my cardiovascular system that makes me continuosly push you away from me. I want us to pull through. To arrive ashore in one piece. This is what I am hoping for these days. This is the wish that I have.

Having my photographs displayed some place public was an incredible experience. It happened at the night of museums in the Branicki Palace, where our university's photography club had its exbihibtion. Since one of the members is studying dentistry with me, he asked whether I would like to have some of my photos displayed. I said yes! The picking process was pretty long and almost gave me a headache. It was all worth it though! The minute we stepped inside the Palace and I saw actual human beings lurking around the exhibition and looking at my works - a truly beautiful feeling entered my heart and left me pumped up for another week or so! 

Moments like these, when my photography "goes alive", I find myself even more motivated and happy. 

Today I want to show you some snaps using Kodak Portra 400. This is a so-called professional film, which is also more expensive than what I usually use. I was supposed to keep it for portraits, but since I did not manage to find time for a pre-planned shooting session, I just shot the roll during my normal activities. I am very satisfied with the results and the tones, warm and up-lifting. Exactly what I was looking for :)

little daily disappointments.

Kaffka Bistro has been around for over two months. we decided to visit at the end of August, giving it some time to grow and expand. By looking at the photographs of Kaffka, I got an impression that this is just the kind of a place I am going to love. White brick walls, Instagram snaps on little strings, big table, some work space, little birdy details. Sugar with white rose petals and lavender. Oh my. This is why this post is going to be filled with so much sorrow, because I really set my expectations high this time.

what we brought from Budapest

Hi there!

Last year I told you that spending money while being on holiday is my weak point. Well it certainly is. Not in a way anyone would think. Hungary was no different. I tried to spend money wisely. We bought essentials (and wine of course) and at last started to look for extra stuff, like keepsakes for our families and little treats for ourselves too :)

Once we were back in my apartment in B, we got everything out on my bed and I photographed those little souvenirs thoroughly. We came back with:

- a letter from hotel's manager Kate, which was a nice addition to the whole stay (a drawing of a dinosaur came along with it, which was a personal request of A)

- maps, transport tiquets, all sight-seeing info.

- a fridge magnet for my sis

- national gallery stuff, postcards of Budapest and art, a notebook that will be my new diary

- A brought a Tokaji Aszu (4) fairly famous Hungarian wine

- some plum Palinkas (which are sweets filled with their 60% vodka, pretty serious stuff, I am telling you...) for our friend P, who lent us her bag for the trip and some marzipan treats as well.

- I brought 6 films with me, which left me with dozens of memories of that beautiful city

And last, but not least, just when I was left with about 1/2 of my budget, we decided to go to a Lush store that we spotted sometime during sight-seeing. Lush is a cool brand with eco-friendly, not animal tested, cosmetics which I always wanted to try but could not, since it's not available in Poland. Not to go into details, we got two bathing bombs (used them both already!) and got familiar with the rest of their products, thanks to a lovely and English speaking sales girl.

Damn, I have no idea what happens, but when I am abroad I am definitely not a spender and in my everyday life it's just so hard to stop buying. Seriously.

What is a thing that you always bring from your journeys/vacations? :)

once upon a jan

Jan, January, the month of lofty emotions. With things being unusually... different. The state I'm in right now is glorious, as long as I forget there's tomorrow and life, and changes of the heart. Time flies, runs through my fingers, gives frustration. I am slowly moving on with my school, preparing for one final exam of that term -- physiology, which, it's really fair to say, was the toughest I have had to face so far. Most time-consuming, perhaps. I will be spending my days in the library, 10am till 8pm of book reading and notes making leaves no space for the simple pleasures for the body or the mind.

Moving on-- with a feeling that I shouldn't miss on what's happening, I decided to take my Practica out and shoot more than I did the past few months. Funny, it got colder, but my heart got more eager. Temperatures outside are crazy, but thanks to the sun and smiling faces around me, I get through. If it wasn't for numb fingers, whenever I take me gloves off, I'd certainly say that winter this year isn't that bad. I was afraid of its cold touch upon my heart, but just when it started to freeze over, you turned the heat on again. Sincere thank you, darling. If I were to list the events that made the January the way it was, I should definitely mention Gdansk conference being a total win, at least for me, laying my hands on the new Murakami, Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki, Friday breakfasts, which we could make a tradition (I wouldn't mind), cooking for someone, under the table touching, and reunion with winter. 

The feeling that surfaces the most is powerlessness, and even though I feel positive most of the time, I am actually pretty miserable. Whatever I do, I influence nothing. I just float. I am not even sure if I am currently on a tidal wave. I'm just somewhere, in the middle of the ocean, in the middle of nowhere. I mistake shadows as islands, storms as places to embark. The views are fantastic, I must add, the water's surface, on some days, glitters in the sun, and it's easy to let my heart love this state I am in. But sun only comes out this often, the rest is a mist, too thick to get through with my eyesight. The mist, which, it seems, I could choke on. But I stay on this raft, not even eager to seek a way out. The exit could mean one out of two things, drowning or actually getting somewhere if I just decided to take a chance and swim towards something, towards anything, rather than accept everything, every drop of water that gets into my lungs, smiling, pretending I am the toughest kid on the block, which I am not. I am not the toughest, I might still be a kid, but I am not made of steel. I am made of hopes and dreams, ups and downs. I am made of everyone that ever left me hanging, of each goodbye and every hello that made me smile after a long time of no smiling. I have trust issues and distance issues, actually a hell lot of issues, waiting to be approached. And most of all, I am capable of being nothing more than myself. So if it is not enough, I think I should rather want to drown in my own tears than pretend I am okay with us. The should do's were never my best friends though.

Then finally he was able to accept everything. Tsukuru Tazaki understood it at the bottom of his soul. People’s hearts are not linked only by harmonies. Rather, they are connected deeply by scars and scars. Tied by pains, and by vulnerabilities.