almost twenty one

Being one month away from the 21 mark, I feel like the universe is one mean middle-aged lady, who just doesn't give me a chance to forget that I am growing old. I seem to have some writer's block these days. I know exactly what I want to write about and how to approach it, yet the drafts on this blog remain to be empty except for photographs.  The main goal of this post was to tell you how badly I will miss my childhood years. I still want to possess the naivety of a child, since it makes your falls and failures a little less serious. If I could go to a place I had been before, it would have been to the point before it all began to change for me.  So around age 11,12. Even though later in mu teens it all turned around pretty rapidly. 

Being almost 21, I start to feel the weight of my choices and need to grasp that time tighter, so I can cherish it for another second or two. Some times I feel like it is not going too well, in terms of myself picking a way to have a happy future. I am my only friend, yet some of my actions would say differently. Life is life, it doesn't look like it will change any time sooner. I still fail at saving up, and therefore even after getting a scholarship I am not going to Greece this summer... Maybe next year, but then I will probably have to go alone, since my schedules are not synchronized with anyone's. So I am here again, spending the summer exactly the way I had over the years. As a kid I most feared insomnia. And look at me now, blogging at 3am, because I can't seem to fall asleep. I love the beauty of a night turning into a day. I love staying up because I want to, not because I have to. Althought there is this eternal struggle that I have to face. To drink some orange juice (with the need to brush again, after waiting 15minutes) or not to drink. Daaamn it. 

Love made me stay, but I still worry about the future. I cannot let go completely. In my head I already apologize to myself for not taking a proper care of mu heart. It all began 6 months ago, and all that 6 months were a period of changing and growing up. One of the saddest thoughts I have had in the past few days is that perhaps it is too tough for anyone to love the bits of me. But some white chocolate quickly solved this problem :)

Even if I still do not cook, I give it a try way more often nowadays. And I started to feed other people as well, fortunately not poisoning anyone for now. Oh and I no longer overcook pasta. Win! (Actually it happened once, on the most embarassing time it could have been, because I had someone over for dinner and of course I failed at multitasking and now I ask myself whether it had any big influence on the fact that the guy dumped me later on...)

We are planning our summer trip and I wish it was all over already, in terms of organising stuff. We will probably go by plane, since the train price is insane, wayyy too insane. I love the way A is excited about that. Budapest is a gorgeous place and I just cannot wrap my head around what film to bring with me. The year finished and I have possibly managed to get the highest average mark out of the people my year. I received a Fuji Pro 400H from my sweetheart, so it was the most amazing way to get the lomography season started. I had wanted to try that film forever. FOREVER. This summer I will rely on films I have not used in awhile. Tomorrow I am going to buy some Kodak Gold, and there is also some place in my heart for Ilford (125) since Katie of Curating Cuteness recommends it, and well I always listen to Katie, she is why I started this blog in the first place. So yup, these are my analog plans for the next months.

I am back home and there is a high probability that when I wake up tomorrow I will have my breakfast served. There is no better feeling. But of course, one must leave home and study 270kms away from it, to fully understand it and not take for granted whichever lands on the plate in front of them. I learned my lesson and life has taught me that tea always tastes better at home. I used to love green tea with honey and now I am all way a black tea kind of gal, except for the times when I am back where I was raised. 

Take care guys, I will post soon enough, because I plan to go craaazy with some Tudorcolor the next couple of days. Oh, and happy 6 months, A. Cannot believe time flies by so fast. 

 

I'm back!

Having written the last exam of year two of stomatology and with prospects of passing it, it's time for me to come back to real life. Real life, meaning days of book reading and picture taking. I would love to come back to my routine of lomography. Last year I had approximately one roll to be developed each week, so that was definitely a pretty good time for this blog. This year I'm actually struggling to decide what I want to show you, guys. 

I have an awful lot of plans for summer vacations of 2014. Remember Prague last year? (The essence of Prague in pictures) It was a blast, certainly. So this year we will try to think further and go somewhere else. Which makes me really excited, cause I can only dream of the rolls I could get developed after a trip to Budapest, Barcelona or any other place in our beautiful Europe. I've got dozens ideas in my head on where to go next. 

I am extremely happy to have welcomed some new people in my life, and the way how people bond over both similarities and differences is amazing. I was always afraid of seeing personalites clash, but now I realize that giving people a chance is actually the only way for your life to be a little better, one coffee or meeting at a time. 

The past few weeks were hell. I mean they pretty much sucked the life out of me, so I just need to take some time off from thinking. I want to watch pointless dramas and eat as much pizza as I can. I want to stay home and cook spaghetti, with Thieving Magpie in the background, since it's basically something you'd call a perfect spaghetti cooking melody. Yes, I do take a lot of my thoughts from Murakami. Speaking of which, I hope by that time tomorrow I will have been a happy owner of his newly published first novels. Once I get it and spend some quality 1 on 1 time with it in my bathtub, you will surely have a post about it coming. I read his latest Tsukuru Tazaki book earlier this year and it was something that deserves some comment on here as well. A book actually pretty controversial since you either hate it or you love it. 

Food and coffee were some pretty serious partners of mine the last term. I even thought of making some Randomly delicious post, because Katie got me inspired on that one as well (head over there to see some deeeelicious treats she was having recently). 

Where are you going for your summer holidays? Is it by any chance anywhere near Poland? :) I promise that I will speak to you very very soon. I am not leaving you until the uni starts again in October, so prepare yourself for photography and lots of rambling. Let's settle things this way, what you can expect from dipped in rococo is a new post each 4-5 days. I want to show you how my sister's wedding looked like. There is one final post coming where I'm going to dwell upon how my life changed in that academic year and what I want to do with it next. Oh and in a month's time I will be 21 years old. That's tragic, but there will be post for that occasion as well. Hugs and kisses, your Kasia.

solo days and a happy mess.

May has come. May of all nighter's, May of working at about 120%.

May weekend was something I have really enjoyed. Yes, yes, I have. Even though at first we had some big plans of travelling together, in the end we did not leave my apartment for longer than a quick shopping spree and a brunch. Then I was left alone again, to experience what I call a perfect solo day. 

In about one month, my older sister is getting married. Scary. Will I ever grow to do the same? For now I still feel like a child, it feels alright to have some obligations, but in the end it's just me I take care of. Oh okay, apart from moments like last Wednesday, when I was found oddly useful. So yup, I'm capable of being there for another person. And I'm not as cold as I might seem to you all. 

In about one month, this blog is turning one year old. I'm still shooting, hooray. Though the reality is different, as well as my perception of life. I used to be the person who believed that everything goes right after the big kiss, but now it's all clear that life's a pile of good and bad things mixed together. And I honestly trust the idea that happiness ain't a continuous stream of love and freedom and balance. Happiness is about moments. Moments that gradually fill my happy jar of 2014. Life is also about bad stuff and quite often 'losing it' or having a tear falling down your face and absolutely no will or strength to hide it. It's about bad Wednesdays and fantastic Fridays.

A perfect solo day consists of.

Waking up with the whole bed for yourself, completely wrapped up in sheets.

Making your own breakfast exactly at the time you want it, and if you don't feel like doing breakfast, going for some breakfast outside. Or not having it all, yolo.

Doing some perfect housewife stuff, but not too much, since there is no one to judge you for your mess.

Reading a new book, with excitement in the air, and controversy on the pages.

Writing a new blog post, trying out whatever might work this time around.

Looking for cheap hostel deals and planning your perfect solo trip.

And at last, realising that you'd rather be awaken by someone leaving kisses on your forearm, be robbed of the sheets, make someone a breakfast of scrambled eggs, have them say you look gorgeous with no makeup, give up on your afternoon nap and watch a silly tv show together. Share your dinner, give multiple cider refills and have your favourite tea critisized. Have your hand squeezed lovingly.

It's great how we need the solo days to fully appreciate days when we have company (and conversely). Knowing that it's the balance that sets things right both with your bond with your person and yourself. Hugs and kisses, I'll talk to you soon! :)

leaking light.

Yes, I am still very much alive. I'm terribly sorry for being missing in action. I am still here, I still catch up with what my friends post, and I do have this incredible need to share my ramblings with you. I just don't take enough pictures. Maybe because I live a pretty static life. I don't move from place to place, I surround myself with the very same people I knew few weeks ago, few months ago, even in 2013. However, my life does change. Unfortunately, life's cruel (or maybe just people are), so this is how much I'll share. Please just know, that I am, in fact, happy. And I try my best to cherish this happiness that I've gotten from the universe. I told myself, K, you really need to finish a roll of film this week. You've got to. You've got to write.

I'm glad to tell you that I've accomodated. I accepted the changes the fourth term at med school brought, and I embraced them the best way I could. It was a killer, though. But I'm doing alright now, thankfully. I'm currently on this line straight up to holidays. March, April, May and June. Lack of sleep (at least 4 hours a night, okay?), lack of social interactions, lack of time, suffering through Microbiology classes. While all I want is to live my life like a Mumford & Sons song. Recklessly, at the top of my lungs. God, oh how I want to be spontaneous. Wake up next to someone, again and again. Feel inspired. BE NOISY. Spring's an amazing season, hands down. I can feel it in my bones, on my lips and in my heart. Days like these, I am actually certain that we will be alright, whatever happens. In the last post, I wrote that March '14 has a lot to live up to. By that I meant not only the first two months of this year, but perhaps mainly March '13, which seemed to be a pretty special month. Now, I'm mature enough to finally face this comparison, and to say that last year I was just a child, ready to hold onto anything, anything at all, that felt alright. I did waste some time, some terrible amount of time, that I had on my hands back then. But most of all, it was all in my head. March '14, even if a bit further away from one hundred percent clarity, is something real, which can be touched with my hands, pulled closer, tapped with my fingers. How fantastic is that? My mountains are so high, my valleys will seem like they're all the way down in hell, when it all ends. But screw that, it's not my fault I'm happy.

I am in mood to write love letters, but I don't even write in my diary anymore. There's this unstoppable stream of thoughts, flowing down my mind. I enjoy having certain dates to look forward to. Even though nobody knows what's going to happen tomorrow, and yup, plans might turn to dust as we turn to ashes, yet for me, a moment of blissful ignorance of the odds, so naive, but so soothing, is all I dream of whenever I open my eyes in the morning. I dream of it all being easier for both of us. Of the misadventure part being out of focus, just like in the first picture of that post. 

Love & Misadventure. The book I told you about back in December, finally making an appearance! :)

"Can I ask you something? Anything.
Why is it every time we say goodnight, it feels like goodbye?"

To say a few words about the pictures included in this post. Probably the one that stands out the most is the photograph where my whole year can be seen wearing white lab coats, right before we went to see an actual autopsy, thanks to our Patomorphology class. Quite unusual moment. Thank you K for making me capture this :) Other than that I included some light leaks that especially caught my attention while browsing through my new pictures. I absolutely love Agfa 400, but next time I'll be opting for 200 again :) It was lovely trying wider perspective with that new 28mm lens, but I do miss that insane bokeh Helios 44/2 has going on! :)

Please, be safe. With love, K.