thirteen going on fourteen

May 2014 be kind and even better than 2013 was! In every possible way. It's not like I only started taking pictures after midnight, when half of the people had fled, and I had no idea how to act with a fisheye in my hand, which was shaking by the way. I'm going to brace myself, get some 400 iso films and be ready for Gdansk on the 10th. And what's most important, I will stay gold. To be quite honest, last year left me wanting more. I found myself counting fireworks, wishing myself as many chocolate bars, dirty messages, and patients as I could count at that point. I also wish myself more luck in multichotomous questions, which may be a pretty nice metaphor for always picking the best alternative, oh and a good person beside me, by the time 2015 comes.

Coming back to 2013 once more, it made me happy, more or less. And it flew by really fast. I was happy to be around people when it ended, even if I actually spent a lot of time locked away. I want to be a better person this year, to myself and to others. I should also drink less, care less and be a reasonable young woman that I am supposed to be. Right, like I will succeed anyway. Rumour has it, we can never change, therefore 2014 is more likely to be messy, crazy, and to add at least two more people into my diary stories. All because integrity and stability are not exactly my piece of cake. :) After '13 I do know more. I'm B RH negative, whiskey with sprite rocks my socks, it is about a person, not their gender, and pain is truly inevitable, yet suffering is optional. Sucks to say, but I'm turning 21 this year, which makes me legal everywhere in the whole world. Scary. Frustrating as well. My world is shrinking, when it's supposed to be expanding rapidly. I really hope you had a blast at your NYE parties wherever you were. Let's just stay positive about those forthcoming 365 days. And take more pictures, they last longer. ♫ 

It would be stupid to make any new year's resolutions. Sure, I could try to gain some kgs, go on a journey of a lifetime, fall in love, blah blah. Life is unpredictable. If you had listed things 2013 brought, back when it only started for me, I would laugh in your face. And I guess it'd had been hard to stop laughing, and in the end I'd just say some snarky comment about you being delusional or just shake my head mindlessly. But those were all my choices, only mine. If it says anything about me, maybe it means that I'm not that predictable after all?

distance of the modern hearts

This is what happens, when you decide to go to a concert, loving the music, but not quite knowing how the artists look like. And suddenly, boom, you end up in the second row, in front of a stage filled with absolutely hot guys, whose moves literally give you goosebumps, but at the same time warm you up from the inside. This cannot be described in a way other than, it was bloody marvellous. And the fact that we got our tickets signed afterwards, and that I actually spoke with T, and I decided to speak my mind for once (complimenting him in a very definite way), it all made it worth it. Absolutely worth the lack of sleep that I got the following night. Their energy was amazing, their moves as equally. So it's fair to say, I'm hooked on Melt, T and the way he smiled at me, when he said he noticed me during the concert. Life=made. My friend said that if we continue to be crazy and talk to them this way, we'll soon be crushing their afterparties. I would certainly not mind, so I'm not giving up on being my charming little self. 

There are certain moments in life, which make you want to just squeeze them, put in your heart and mind, and never let go. Even though I ended up being picture-less (I actually think a polaroid would be the best option for me to buy and use on such gigs, great place for the autographs as well, damn) my mind repeats it over and over. Coming to a general conclusion about that night, platonic crushes are the best, in a world where all you do is study, eat and sleep (with drinking occuring way too rarely), I love beats that seem to break my ribs, sometimes being somebody's last choice might actually turn out to be very rewarding if you just close your eyes, take a deep breath and feel the rhythm. Maybe I should just drop everything that ties me down, and become a groupie? A groupie, who desperately needs a haircut, though.

Life goes on rapidly. I seem to be bruising easily nowadays, and I mean both, literal (as you can see above) and metaphorical meaning of that word. Sometimes I feel like all I see is flashing lights. People growing closer, people growing apart, learning to let things go or to finally let myself go and have fun. I am so glad to finally be able to start planning my summer trips, since I officially got my first scholarship payment today. As you can see, I seem to have so much luck these days, (I also got 3 Red Bulls instead of 1, out of a vending machine on Wednesday :D) so I'm clearly enjoying my existence, which I suppose is why I find myself smiling more. Nothing, and I mean nothing, no one, not one thing in this whole world, is going to spoil that, because I simply won't let it. 

I think we can say that November is over. I'd predicted it would be a hell of a month, but instead I ended up being more social, talkative, and welcomed a bit of self-awareness into my life, that I never though would be there by now. I managed to catch up with J, had a blast at a birthday party (a separate post coming for sure, as soon as I free the pictures that are stuck in my current roll, which I fail to finish), attended the PTTS Warsaw conference and finally saw Kamp!, all that in one month that I thought would leave me studying twenty four/seven. Last week made me add two more things to my happy jar, which will be emptied in exactly one month and one day, on New Year's Eve. I'm way too picky when it comes to putting things in that jar. Or maybe it's just that I have not felt truly content in a long time. Have a lovely December guys! I'm off with my first caffeine dose and physiology for the rest of today.

S i n g  b e f o r e  b r e a k f a s t,  c r y  b e f o r e  n i g h t.

Lomo side of the story: I more than loved my first roll of Kodak Ultramax 400, and I swear if it wasn't for the price of it, I would come back to that film more often. November was not a golden age for my camera, since my life has been one big school routine since October. Now that the scholarship money is around, a new lens might make an appearance in my life, who knows! :)