Fisheye No. 2 Gold Edition
One of the most important items in my travelling bag is a camera. My sister knew it all too well, when she gave it to me along with three rolls of film and commanded not to disappoint her. Three months after our wedding, we went on the long anticipated trip to a Greek island - Crete. I still have memories of myself, with two cameras hanging on my neck - compact digital cam and lomography one from Kasia, looming over an abyss and trying to take this one shot, allowing me to show off. However, more interesting was actually the view of people staring at how I was photographing basically everything that drew my attention.
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Jedną z ważniejszych rzeczy w torbie podróżnej jest dla mnie aparat fotograficzny. Dobrze wiedziała o tym moja siostra, dając mi go przed wyjazdem wraz z trzema kliszami z przykazaniem, że mam jej nie zawieść... Trzy miesiące po ślubie wybraliśmy się w długo oczekiwaną podróż na grecką wyspę Kretę. Wciąż mam w pamięci siebie obwieszoną dwoma aparatami - kompaktową cyfrówką i analogowym lomography od Kasi, nieraz wiszącą nad przepaścią usiłującą zrobić popisowe ujęcie. Ciekawszy był jednak widok ludzi patrzących się na mnie, jak fotografowałam dosłownie wszystko, co wydało mi się co najmniej ciekawe.
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There are things that linger on. Someone's smell, hair under a pillowcase, temporary numbness surrounding your mind, leaving it sheltered, and questions, a lot of questions. (One could quote Meredith Grey and say We're adults. When did that happen? And how do we make it stop?) Or rather, can we make it work and count? Jumping through subsequent stages of intimacy, I think I love 2014. As much as I tried to avoid making a happy jar for 2014, after Gdansk last week, the peril and fear of having it completely empty for now, disappeared completely. I think my reality is lovely right now. Nothing's ever perfect though, and nothing lasts forever. Knowing that, I appreciate your existence and its touch upon my days. This is the most that I am capable of feeling at this point. The higher my mountains are, the deeper my valleys will seem. I'm afraid of tomorrow and how inevitable the end is, but all I can do is find joy in the little moments that the currents bring my way. I have doubts though, I have never been that close with someone and I am not sure if I can pull this off. It's terrifying, really. So the last thing I want to do right now is overthink it all. Some things has been altered. Some will never be the same again. How come I can't seem to find the right words? All that I wanted was a little touch, a little tenderness and truth. Sure, Laci was right, debuts change nothing. Personalities clash, reality happens, time slows down then speeds up irrationally. Waiting for the right moment to push things forward was definitely one of my wisest decisions. Now I'm here and this is me. Bare and heedless.
Second roll shot with my new Fisheye, which, according to my girls, is not exactly a real camera. We spent our Friday being class acts, drinking pink California wine and smoking cherry flavored tobacco. Winter and I finally reunited, to the point where I want to grab my Praktica, with a black & white film inside (definitely not for funeral purposes, damn you), go out for a walk and shoot. Uni is being demanding, but classes finish one by one, leaving me to decide what to do with my free time. I know exactly what I would love to do, yet I need to remain sage and believe that my textbook should still stay on as my best friend. We are young, we should live to the fullest. One day we will, perhaps.
May 2014 be kind and even better than 2013 was! In every possible way. It's not like I only started taking pictures after midnight, when half of the people had fled, and I had no idea how to act with a fisheye in my hand, which was shaking by the way. I'm going to brace myself, get some 400 iso films and be ready for Gdansk on the 10th. And what's most important, I will stay gold. To be quite honest, last year left me wanting more. I found myself counting fireworks, wishing myself as many chocolate bars, dirty messages, and patients as I could count at that point. I also wish myself more luck in multichotomous questions, which may be a pretty nice metaphor for always picking the best alternative, oh and a good person beside me, by the time 2015 comes.
Coming back to 2013 once more, it made me happy, more or less. And it flew by really fast. I was happy to be around people when it ended, even if I actually spent a lot of time locked away. I want to be a better person this year, to myself and to others. I should also drink less, care less and be a reasonable young woman that I am supposed to be. Right, like I will succeed anyway. Rumour has it, we can never change, therefore 2014 is more likely to be messy, crazy, and to add at least two more people into my diary stories. All because integrity and stability are not exactly my piece of cake. :) After '13 I do know more. I'm B RH negative, whiskey with sprite rocks my socks, it is about a person, not their gender, and pain is truly inevitable, yet suffering is optional. Sucks to say, but I'm turning 21 this year, which makes me legal everywhere in the whole world. Scary. Frustrating as well. My world is shrinking, when it's supposed to be expanding rapidly. I really hope you had a blast at your NYE parties wherever you were. Let's just stay positive about those forthcoming 365 days. And take more pictures, they last longer. ♫
It would be stupid to make any new year's resolutions. Sure, I could try to gain some kgs, go on a journey of a lifetime, fall in love, blah blah. Life is unpredictable. If you had listed things 2013 brought, back when it only started for me, I would laugh in your face. And I guess it'd had been hard to stop laughing, and in the end I'd just say some snarky comment about you being delusional or just shake my head mindlessly. But those were all my choices, only mine. If it says anything about me, maybe it means that I'm not that predictable after all?
