the family growing

I finally made another step towards my own analogue collection, buying a new lens - Canon 135mm FD f/3.5. At first I opted between 85mm-100mm, but found out that 85mm goes for some enormous amount of money and that's why I settled for a much cheaper alternative, a little bigger 135mm. These are the first photographs that I have taken with it. I love it when I buy something that is so much different that what I have shot with so far. Firstly, the distance. To get my focus right I need at least 1.5m between my subject and I. Works great with portraits, when I don't intimidate my models by putting my camera right into their faces. That's how I imagined the portrait taking from now on. 

What's most embarassing... I still don't quite know how to attach it. It's big, it's heavy, and it has some weird attach-technology which I haven't solved yet and when I use it, it requires a few tries. It makes me feel more like a pro though. And with the external lamp attached too - it looks pretty great, I must say. I treat it like my biggest treasure, and carry it around every day. I feel like it's perfect for stalking people in the park. It's not your regular telephoto lens, but I surely see its potential in that field.

some fun with monochrome

Usually color is what attracts me. When it all gets limited to shades of gray, I was never fully satisfied with my photographs. I tried monochrome films a few times, always left with a little bittersweet taste in my mouth. Dissatisfaction? Regret? I would never see myself as a black & white 'photographer'. The apostrophe because I am just a girl taking pictures, seriously, I can never call myself a photograph. Somehow I feel it doesn't fit. So my journey with monochrome was periodical and nothing too exciting. I tried Ilford, which was supposed to blow my mind, well it didn't. I still looked for the perfect film, which would make me not regret losing colors of the world. I have to say Kodak T-max 400 finally did the job, and I can say I found 'the one'. This post is for you to see how I handled that roll. Shot over some big amount of time, carrying the memories from Tykocin and Bialystok, both horizontal and vertical. With an external lamp and with no flash at all. Lenses 50mm and 135mm. You have a real variety of what I love shooting, actually. 

I think I am ready to start photographing people other than the closest ones. My flatmate has been a very patient and lovely model. Fortunately the weather has been very beautiful recently, I want to give nature some extra days to blossom and fill the world with more colors and life, and then we will be off for some shooting outdoors. 135mm is a joy to use, but I am already after 28mm or 35mm, I guess I cannot stop for now! 

back and forth

I am a little ticking bomb. tick-tock Feeling like I could crush us all down anytime soon. Is it easy to be this way? No. It's the toughest thing ever to be looking into your eyes and knowing that for the best you should just let me go already. Fortunately or the contrary, someone gave me the body of selfishness and the heart of weak human material. I cannot stop and won't stop. I feel the destruction coming my way, but I'd rather burn myself down than change the locks that separate me from sanity. There are things that I want to strongly believe into. That I'm worth what I'm getting. And I am not talking about the bits of sadness or unclarity. I want to believe that finally, after all this time, the world is letting me off the leash. That it's not some Cinderella stuff that will end before I manage to blink twice. That it was all given to me, not to be taken away, but to stay.