It's complicated. This is how I would describe my life at this point. I feel so utterly tangled up in things, I no longer know where I am headed. Although from time to time, I can picture myself in that cosy apartment, with the Nutcracker score playing in the background. Light, big interiors that over the years I would have filled with my things and my loving. Smell of baked apple pie. A fluffy cat sleeping on my knees. But once again, I bet if I ever have a cat, it will be mean and it will end up hating me. And I will call it weird names like Mr Jinggles or something connected with food or worse, dentistry, as I originally wanted. The Nutcracker and other of Tchaikovsy's works will always remind me of my childhood years. The happy and clueless times.