I am almost 22, and at night I still dream about saving the world. I hate the thought that my character can already be fully shaped and there is nothing left for me to do, as I will stay this way forever. I don't have plans, I only have dreams. And I have to tell you, those are still the dreams of a child. I don't think about supporting myself, I don't think about starting a happy family. I dream of moving from place to place and never having to worry about anything. Real life gets me down. That's why I spend my days in bed unless I have to get up to do my summer practice. The days that I have to get up and clean people's teeth are probably the best days, because once I am on my feet, my thoughts are somehow brighter. The other days I just think about how miserable I make myself. I am losing all the positive feelings, turning into a mindless zombie, curled up in my bed, drinking coffee just for the taste of it. I want to have dreams, just never speak loudly about them. I have a feeling that each time I say something out loud, the moving spirit vanishes, I am no longer capable of making it happen. And I watch so many chances go by. Too many. On daily basis. I see myself lighting up, then burning down until nothing positive stays. I know that this blog means nothing to you, and I hate to see that it's starting to mean less and less to me as well. It might be a writer's block or honesty block. I'll try to write something new in a few days, since I have a bunch of photographs for you to see. So sorry it's taking so long, I am not in a very good place right now. Maybe once I am 22, the hazy days will stop.
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